Lesson #1 of many

Out of all the things I have learnt in the past few months, one of the most important is to be present. This is something that is a very basic cliche stuff you hear a lot. But once you truly understand the pain, how does it feel like when back in the past you wanted something, but now in the future — I mean in the present by then — you would give everything just to be back at that state you were in, in the past. I learnt this the hard way, and unfortunately, like with many things in the past months, the breakup taught me this lesson as well.

I will give you a quick example that hit me very hard. After the breakup, I was feeling very bad about how ungrateful I was about my present in the past. One day, I saw a picture of us coming up on my phone’s widget. I smiled. I quickly remembered when we took the picture and how I felt at that party. I wanted to go home so bad, I was already done and tired, I really did not want to be there anymore, and I just wanted to go home, sleep and rest. I remembered that we stayed because my gf wanted to, and I wanted her to enjoy a bit more. But because I was focused on the bad things and I was looking forward to sleep, I did not have a great time and as usual, I forgot to enjoy the present moment. I totally sacrificed my present happiness and peace for something that was impossible to achieve at that given moment. I should have enjoyed being there and seeing my gf having fun, I should have been more grateful. Instead, I wanted to go, and I even had a bad attitude. I think you get it, you don’t need more color to understand this. So when I saw that picture, I smiled because I knew I messed up. When I saw this picture, I felt like I wanted to give everything right now just to go back and spend one more night with my gf. I felt very lonely. I felt like I had my chance, and in fact I had many chances, but I let them slip away, just because I was so focused on what is coming instead of what is happening around me. I wish I could express myself better and pass on this feeling, but I believe you fully understand what I mean, since we hear this advice to enjoy the present moment all the time from other people.

This was more or less fresh after we broke up. And then an interesting thing happened not long ago. I saw Iman Gadzhi’s Instagram story where he reflected on his Q1 and Q2. Analyzing which things he accomplished and what else remained for Q3 and Q4. Being unsatisfied, obviously, always wanting more. Just like me. Later on I will explain why this is also interesting. So I quickly made a note to myself that I will do it as well soon when I have time. Last week I started doing it and I reviewed all my past months until August. I looked at every week closely in each month and I was trying to write down every single little detail which made it good or bad. Of course, I also made it very clear on paper that the downfall had happened, I lost my crypto portfolio, ending up in debt, I lost my gf and I lost my funded accounts. As I stated in the context chapter, I truly lost it all, but suddenly I gained it all.

What’s interesting is that when I looked at the whole big picture, how many things in how many ways have happened to me from all January until the beginning of August, let me tell you that except those 3 “super bad” things, not a single bad thing happened to me.

Like, literally every week and every month has been REALLY FUCKING AMAZING. Every week and every month has taught me big lessons about life and about myself. Every single week and every single month has healed me immensely. I can not put into words how far I have come. And the burden of the student loan, the break up and the fact that I was in drawdown.. these “little” side issues which seemed so big in my head, they all took away most of my peace in those present moments. Editing this chapter makes me feel like it was rather the burden of having debt and of course the breakup which bothered me the most, the funded accounts and the loss of crpyto portfolio was already accepted. But looking back at my notes and realizing that I had an amazing year so far has lightened me and actually made me feel quite good about myself, my progress and my present. I was proud. I am very proud of myself.

I would say that the strength of which blinded me has been fading drastically month after month. What I mean is that by June I could properly enjoy my time. In the present moment. For real. In whole July I was walking with God and I tried to be as present as possible. I learnt a lot about myself and I was observing myself on purpose what are those little things that I am looking forward to and how can I make myself more present. This observation has lead me to the conclusion — which I have always known about myself — that I am a very future-oriented person who always looks for something to come. I would say some bullshit that “well I am built this way”, but first, everyone can change, secondly, I don’t mind being like that. This is what has helped me to become a high achiever and to always aim for greatness and to have big dreams.

I like looking forward to things, but I figured out how to do that in the very short term, even in the daily time frame. Of course, by human nature, we are looking for only exciting things, but this is totally relative. So in the end, it is up to us, what do we interpret as being exciting. I am still practicing this, but even when I am waiting for something in the future, it is max 2–3 days ahead, and I am trying to be present for the rest. Things that nowadays I am very much looking forward to within a day are like my night prayers, cold showers, heavy breakfasts or lunches, the gym pump or a given to do list stuff, even when I am doing my job, I am trying to seek little details which I can look forward to even just within a few hour time frame. I literally get excited whenever I go to take a shower because I developed habit that whenever I shower I also do a “cold plunge” which is just 2–3 minutes of the coldest possible water. I get excited every time I go to bed and I know that the time of praying has come and finally I can be close to my God who has given me the most amount of love during these hard months. It’s the time of the day when I can focus only on being grateful for what has happened to me in the past and the present. I don’t know how to describe this feeling but I would say that if/when you create a “relationship” with God, your way of feeling taken care of and the way you feel being loved while also loving the outside world is a different way of being present. I wish I could explain this more. My point is that when you are grateful, it is impossible not to be present. And evolving from this here is my next point:

Just a random crazy fact: I am hating on my “9–5 lifestyle” taking the “fucking” metro 30 minutes a day and I am looking forward to the moment when I can leave all this “shit” behind and break out from the rat race. In the end, that’s the goal right? But take a look at this same situation this way: someone out there would KILL to have this. Someone out there has never ever seen a fucking metro in their life. Someone would cry if they get to know how much is my salary as a 24 year old fresh graduate. The moral of the story is that I have everything. I have everything to become successful, I have everything to turn my life around. I have access to knowledge for ecommerce, I have a skill set that I can develop with trading, and I have leverage because the paycheck is arriving every single month to my bank account. Meanwhile, I get to enjoy a country which is safe, I CAN DRINK FUCKING TAP WATER. Bro, can you imagine that for someone this means a privilege? I don’t want to go further than this, the tap water explains it all, I believe. When you put these things into perspective, it’s lowkey impossible not to be present, because all of these things are now in the moment and they are all a liability. I learnt that you can always lose everything within a blink lol. So just don’t take things for granted. Like I took my gf, my crypto or my live funded accounts. Because when had all those, I wanted a nice car, or an exotic place to travel to, or a laptop lifestyle or any of those bullshit things that social media has blinded us, or we blinded ourselves, that can only feel complete if we acquire that certain thing or certain state of being in the future. I won’t go deep into this, the mention of social media says it all.

The future is now guys. Another little example is that I started to pay attention more to people. Unfortunately, I am a self-centered person, and yes I tend to think about myself and my own things a lot, even when others are directly talking to me or answering MY questions. But lately I am paying more attention. I am having more patience for my mom, for my grandma, they all want to share their personal story and what they are feeling and sometimes it is actually fun to see how their way of thinking is. Listening to them and paying attention to the little details of why and how do they interpret those things that I would interpret or evaluate totally differently, is becoming fun sometimes. — Not all the time.

There is no more important thing than the present moment. In fact if you think about it, you will never be this young again. It is scary to think about it if you put it to perspective. You will never ever be this young again than you are today. Every single day you are getting older. Time is not stopping. And it never will, you only have x amount of summers and x amount of winters. Make them all count, not just the one you are looking for. And it is the same with Mondays or a fucking shower. What if tomorrow you can not even shower because of a certain reason? What if the Monday you hate doesn’t come one day? Hmm? I know I am getting too deep and for some people’s taste even annoying but these are facts. Stop giving things for granted and start doing shit. From my perspective — which I am also trying to be less toxic about — it means that I should do the fucking work. Right now I am procrastinating on my Shopify store but the truth is, the later I launch a successful ecommerce business, the more time I have to spend at my 9–5 and the later I can escape from the bullshit.

For me this is wake up call to do the fucking work, and meanwhile to enjoy life while I can. I hope this is also a wake up call for you in another perspective. I don’t want to go all in on the David Goggins mindset but nobody is coming to save you. The Mondays are coming and the same fucking metro pulls up every fucking day as well. Nothing is going to change, if you don’t make a change in those same days. Every single day is the same. And again, nothing will ever change if you don’t decide to do so. So on one side you could either take it as a blessing and be grateful about it, or use this as fuel for your success. Make the most out of your days and live your day as if it was the last one. My trader mentor says: Plan as if you lived forever and act as if this was your last day. And the beauty in all this that it both applies to hard work and to be grateful, it is up to you how you interpret it but I feel like you have a good understanding of how I take this lesson.

On one side it makes me go soft. It makes me slow down and teaches me to enjoy this journey while it lasts.

On the other side it makes me go harder. It makes me go faster and drives me to be the best version of myself.

I would add one more thing, as I was reading back this chapter in September. Here is another example from the golden years of university with my gf a few years ago:

We had everything. Imagine this: we were living in a 4 by 4 room, 2 by 3 kitchen and a 3 by 3 small bathroom. This couple rooms in the dorm were maximum 35 square meters, but I am probably exaggerating to avoid false information. But damn, it was so good. I would go back any time. We had parties, we were eating out, we were sleeping together, we cooked, we washed and we did groceries and so many more things. Proper uni stuff where you did not have any problems, it’s just basic “responsibilities” like studying. You name it, we had everything, so far definitely the best years of my life. Our life was truly like a movie. And what a movie it was…

But the kitchen. And the washing. I remember I used to complain a lot that I hate washing the dishes and that I will buy a small dishwasher and somehow I will craft it inside the room by connecting the water from the sink or something. Basically, our (or only mine) only problem was to wash dishes. And I have the memory perfectly, a clear picture in my mind where I can see and rewind crystal clear that I am washing dishes, my gf is laying down in bed watching something, the sun is goind down hitting inside while the window is opened, the kids are playing football outside and their noise is coming in. Such a lovely picture. Everything is nice. And I am looking down in the sink with the sponge and plate in my hand thinking; bro I why am I doing this while a machine could do this of me? I could be having fun with my gf outside as well or do ANYTHING else than this. Haha.. funny..

I would give everything to wash dishes while she is in bed and the sun is shining inside, enjoying the sunset and listening to those football kids cursing at each other in a funny way. I was so, so, so much blessed. But this will NEVER happen again. I will never be washing dishes in that setup in those circumstances and in that dorm with my gf. Never. This picturesque moment, me washing the damn dishes, my biggest ever problem at that given time, will never ever come back. Isn’t it crazy how we can take things for granted? Think about it this way; everything that you do in this given moment, like reading these lines, will never come back in the form of how it is in the given present moment. Nothing ever happens twice in the same way. You might as well reread this paragraph quickly, but it’s not going to hit you like it did the first time.

The act that you missed out on, while worrying or being obsessed about what is coming next, might be similar the second time, and you might have better or worse things after. But after the very first moment of experiencing anything in every single minute of your life, with the given environment and circumstances, they will all slip away within the blink of an eye. And they are gone forever.

And forever is a very long time — we learnt it while deleting a minecraft server. IYKYK. :)

I don’t want to write more about the obvious. You get it. I know you do.

But please. Be present. ❤