Letter to crush

My chest constantly hurts, body is sore, my throat carries the heavy burden of unspoken words. I write to you, reach out, with a hope of a return from a long travel. My failings of shyness are catching up with me. My swollen pride that hides that hides behind “I’m fine”, exasperates every time I use that phrase. I have been using that phrase more often now as a consequence of knowing you, but felt it only seldom.

Love is a tricky feeling. I look up in the sky, read about the lore of constellations frozen in beauty of a bond that transcended time. I listen to songs of triumphant partnerships that are recorded in discs. See it in nature, animals and plants and yet every time I fall short of it.

I don’t know if I love you like they show in the movies. But I need you to be happy, to be content in life. I need you to be seen in all your glory, to be heard beyond your words of “I’m fine”. I need you to be remembered in ways that feels the non linearity of time. I need you to feel the whirlwind of all the seasons, and the magic they produce in nature. See the colours that aren’t even discovered, even if you’re colour blind. I want you to walk on the crunchiest of leaves, always find a sip of cold cola on a hot day, find the peace of resting your head on someone’s shoulder and never feel you’re fleeting away.

I hold out an olive branch to you every time, please grab onto it. I know it takes courage to break your pride, so I’ll keep the lighthouse on and guide you through a stormy night. I’ll wait with a bonfire on, keep quiet to hear you talk, but talk. Please just say it. Don’t punish me with silence, you’re not a mute man’s curse. Say it out aloud everything that troubles you..everything that holds back tears, things that you struggle with. I will keep them safe for you, to use them as tools to get through this cruel world. Let me help you, I need you to discover.