ENVY

Just to add the graphics so that it's easy for you guys to remember

Envy. Is that what I am gonna feel for the rest of my life? As the tides washes over my skin As I float with roses and ciggerates around me , Letting the water take me wherever it wants to maybe looking at sun will get me blind But I’d always like the feel of it on my skin , a soft gentle kiss on my body , a selfless one , the one I never received while being on land the dagger I hid in my hair would find its way out of my hair and float with me Leaving me with cuts that’d keep on bleeding , my own act of foolishness is what got me Here One step closer to danger Envy is what I feel again , wanting to be in somebody else’s skin , a body with no wounds and scars Is that why I am always so desperate to cut my skin open? Hoping to cut deep enough where I could just Rip it off . Even with the roses around me and my nose filled with my fav smell of ciggerates Why do I still wish to not be here ? With the sun making love to my skin why do i still wish to drown ? Knowing that the cuts my dagger gave me are gonna get me in trouble for bleeding . Why do I still not feel the fear in my bones? Maybe because I know that the waves will eventually wash away the roses and ciggerates and the clouds will take over soon and it won’t stay the same forever , maybe I’ve romanticized endings so much that I never grew to love the beginnings, maybe I’ve always been in trouble and never really knew how to stay away from it Maybe I was always so scared that I forgot what not being scared feels like , so again I’ll let those cuts bleed, once again I’ll let myself get in trouble but this time not wanting to be saved I’ll let the smell of my blood allure all those who wants to feed on me , I’ll let the Aquatic beings feed on it. I wonder what would I taste like ? The roses or wine ? Would they be Intoxicated like everybody else was ? Would they like to have more of me? Or is it just the taste of sin they’ll keep craving for ? Would they rip off my clothes first? The Pieces of my silk lingerie stuck between their teeth Would it all make sense to them when they have the taste of my Brain? It might add more to their grief or anger but never happiness and even in this moments I’ll still ask myself if it’s worth it All this time the void I felt would it be filled by own blood ? Am I finally gonna stop wishing to be in someone else’s skin? Would I stop wanting for people to finally care about my existence? Would it all matter in that moment? If not then , then when exactly would it all stop? If not then ..... All those roses and ciggerates would find their way to the shore All of my favorite things would be left behind , just my favorite things and not me But I’ve felt this feeling before so it doesn’t really matter or does it? maybe it’ll matter as much as those family dinners mattered or those promises or maybe it’ll matter as much I did but would it be enough ? If it was , i wouldn’t be here I’ll let the roses and ciggerates answer it this time