3 Stages of Relapse to Lust + Early Signs Almost No One Recognizes

Understand this so urges don’t catch you off guard

Image created using Grok imagine.

Relapse to lust is a lot like a steam pot explosion.

Yet only a few see it that way. For most, it’s more like a lighting strike. “They find themselves doing what they shouldn’t and feel shocked how they got there.” Random, unpredictable and sudden.

Relapse seems as if some demon took over the control and nothing can be done about it. Just like explosion of the pot as it

But the seeming loss of control happens gradually. It’s a process:

• The heat is creates steam.
• The steam builds up in the pot over time.
• Since the steam is not released it comes a point it can no longer contain the energy within the pot and has to exit beyond.

How to prevent the steam pot from exploding?

Easy. Stop the progression of the process.

You may think, lust urges and relapses are different but they work the same. The problem is that most men only recognize something’s wrong when the pressure is too high and the pot is about to explode. They scramble in a rush for a fix but… can you really prevent an explosion at the moment it’s happening?

Unfortunately, no. But you can prevent the progression of the process.

Relapse to lust builds up in stages too (difficulty to snap out of): Stage 1: Emotional (Easy-Medium) Stage 2: Mental (Hard) Stage 3: Physical (Extreme)

Here’s how you can recognize and prevent the development early enough.

EMOTIONAL

You’re not thinking lust. Life goes on. Responsibilities stack up.

Engaging with lust feels repelling. No desire is present. This is why no one sees this stage as problematic — it seems like you’re doing well, building a streak and living pure. But, without noticing, your choices and emotions are setting you up for a relapse down the line.

Symptoms include:

• Irritability
• Emotional fatigue
• Focusing on only serving others
• Strong desire to fill your day with distractions
• Bottling up negative emotions as a sign of maturity
• Downplaying the need for asking someone to help you
• Ignoring compromises you make in fulfilling your responsibilities
• Avoiding people and neglecting to build friendships
• Cutting corners in self-care (poor eating, sleeping habits)

In summary, emotional relapse stage is a self-neglect excused as maturity. Putting off your well-being is meant for emergencies not for a lifestyle. When you place your responsibilities above your well-being, your emotions display enough warning signals but you ignore their significance or relation to your tendency to fall into compulsive behavior.

Prevention: identify the basic needs your body needs and commit to taking care of yourself.

Get a good night’s sleep; eat 3 meals a day; ask for help; share your feelings; journal; pray to God without censoring your struggles pretending to be more mature than you are (spoiler alert: you can’t fool God).

Important: This stage goes under the radar since it has no visible fight with lust. But it’s the stage that paves way for the mental relapse stage. Remember, self-care isn’t self-centered because the healthier you are the more you can serve.

MENTAL

You’ve entered a mental war.

Your brain begins to crave for an escape from discomfort. It promises benefits in a relapse so it’s doing all it can to make you relapse physically.

If you don’t act, because you’re fully convinced sin is never the answer (and rightfully so!) your brain increases intensity. The processes of the brain doesn’t care about morality. It’s designed for survival and in this situation you need a distraction. Since porn is so easily accessible, capable to overwhelm the reward system and give temporary pleasure, it has become “best” escape activity.

Symptoms include:

• Thinking of people, places and things that were part of previous relapses
• Minimizing consequences of previous relapses
• Daydreaming about engaging engaging with lust
• Bargaining with yourself to relapse just this once
• Growing desire for instant gratification
• Lying to others and to yourself
• Planning to relapse so it doesn’t look like it’s fully your responsibility

Many of us justify relapsing because the cravings are so intense.

Prevention: Since your brain sees it as an effective solution, you have to convince it and continue to train it other direction.

At this stage, think of what you will lose if you relapse. Imagine in detail the hopelessness and despair that you’d feel afterwards. Change your scenery; go for a walk; meet a friend (better even, your accountability partner) so you don’t give your cravings room to grow.

Promise yourself to wait. Most cravings don’t last long.

The fact that you’re experiencing the temptation, doesn’t make you a failure. Everyone experiences these thoughts. When you talk about your craving they’re easier to handle.

Warning: You will not win by ignoring what’s happening or trying not think about lust. Rules like “I must not watch porn” doesn’t work at this point. They only strengthen the desire. They make you think of what you’re missing out on.

You only weaken the urge by changing your environment, meditating on the negative consequences and sharing about it with a trusted friend.

Continuing in mental relapse leads to a stronger urge and, eventually, physical relapse.

PHYSICAL

Oh dear…

At this stage you’re actively making steps by looking up images, preparing the environment or committing the act you promised yourself to avoid.

Same prevention methods should be applied as in the mental stage although it’s much harder to go for them.

This is the time when it’s almost impossible to stop the explosion. Everything written above is meant to prevent you from reaching this stage.

Last thoughts

True relapse prevention looks less like saying “no” just before you open the website. That’s the most difficult developments to fight and reverse.

The explosion doesn’t change its mind even if you scream “NO!”

True relapse prevention happens when you don’t even think about lust.

Summary: PRIORITIZE SELF-CARE to give the basics of what your body needs, DON’T DISREGARD the signs your emotions show that something is wrong, THINK THROUGH the overwhelming list of why lust isn’t ever a solution, DISTRACT yourself when the desire seems to be rising, SHARE your feelings openly with a friend you trust.

If you need help in conquering lust, reach out to me at vitus@righteouslegacy.com.