My Love in My Youth (9)

Everything must come to an end. When I knew that day was inevitable, I almost wished it would arrive sooner.

The girl succeeded in her interview up north. What followed was a long struggle of the mind.

Even when one knows the truth, one is still easily misled by immediate noise. People find it difficult to remain firm. Circumstances always sway human judgment.

With my reluctant yet sincere support, she finally chose to leave.

I watched the lonely silhouette of the middle-aged leader, the tears of her boyfriend, the sighs of her mother… This departure felt like an attempt to prove something — or perhaps an escape from something.

Suddenly, I saw the contradiction clearly. At first, I hoped she would marry, settle down, find stability. But she was unwilling — still craving the turbulence of the outside world, unable to make a decision. Later, when she hesitated and wanted to stop, it was I who encouraged her to leave, to go and discover her so-called true self.

Perhaps this was a calculated strategy: only separation could truly reveal what each of us wanted.

In any case, she was leaving.

During those days together, I became intermittently hysterical. Jealousy consumed me, erupting without warning. She would calm me with laughter — she was a child of instinct, not reason. Logic felt hollow to her; feelings were what mattered. And so I lived between pain and sweetness. Perhaps she was my sweetest burden.

At times, I was amazed by my own tolerance — and horrified by my own shamelessness. Things I never thought possible in my life happened one by one. The unpredictability of life frightened me.

I stayed patiently with her through those final days. Perhaps my care became her last reason to linger in this city. I looked after her, just as she once looked after him.

She left the day before my birthday.

That year was extraordinary.