LIFESTYLE

How Patriarchy and Culture Fuel Paternity Fraud

A system that pressures women to bear sons — at any cost — shouldn’t be surprised when they find a way

Photo by Mukesh Sharma on Unsplash

I know I’m going to ruffle feathers with this post. But hear me out before you reach for stones.

The Statistic No One Wants to Sit With

My country has repeatedly been highlighted in discussions around high rates of paternity fraud. According to multiple reports and aggregated data from Pulse Nigeria, WorldMetrics, and HealthDigest; we sit a close second after Jamaica.

• About 30% of paternity tests conducted in Nigeria return negative results
• Firstborn sons account for approximately 64% of those negative cases

While these figures are drawn from media reports and compiled statistics rather than a single nationwide registry, they reveal a troubling pattern that cannot be ignored.

What does this pattern tell you?

It tells you that the pressure is not just to have children, but to have male children.

The Root: What Society Says a Woman Is

Across many African and Asian cultures, the girl child is not seen as valuable.

Women are valued primarily for their sexual and reproductive functions, often treated as unpaid labour rather than full human beings.

This pressure is not subtle. It is constant. It is generational. It is enforced both publicly and privately.

And eventually, it pushes women into desperate decisions.

The Church’s Hierarchy of Womanhood

I have had to explain to my mother a gazillion times that Women’s Day includes all women of legal age, not just married women. She’s still coming to terms with the fact that I celebrate myself and other young women on IWDs.

Because in her generation, you are only a “woman” if you are married. And this belief is still active today.

In many churches, unmarried women up to age 45 are still forced to remain in youth groups. They only transition to the women’s group if they marry. Even having a child outside marriage doesn’t qualify you.

And as for childless married women, they have no business with the mothers’ groups. Even in the women’s groups, a young married woman with a child had more say than an older married woman.

But the men? Once a man decides he’s too old for the youth group, he simply switches to the men’s group. Married or not. Childless or not. One unified group for all men.

One system for men. Multiple categories for women. Even in the house of God, where we are all supposed to be His children.

If there’s that much pressure inside the church, what do you expect from society?

The Language of Erasure

Women are constantly categorised. Miss to Ms to Mrs. And each title determines your level of respect.

For Men? Just “Mr” will do.

Nowadays, they don’t even call young women “women”. They call them “females”.

You’ll hear a report:

• “Men” (no age specification)
• But “young females” or “older women”

Women are reduced to biology. Men are treated as complete humans. It’s so common we’ve stopped noticing.

I once had a heated debate with a male church member about this. Would it kill you to just call us women or young women if you need to be specific. He eventually resorted to “ladies” when he saw I wasn’t letting it slide.

This erasure doesn’t excuse paternity fraud, but it does explain it. Let me walk you through the logic.

Let’s Talk About the Ozoro Case Again

You might remember the Ozoro festival I wrote about last time. One sect called Oramdhu the god of harvest; another called him the god of fertility. It’s either the god wears two hats, or his followers just don’t care because what they are after is the women they abuse.

Also, in most cultures, the god of fertility is often times a woman — goddess. But what do I know?

During the Ozoro festival, women were forced to stay indoors. What was the men’s defence about this detail? It was that childless women were allowed to come out on the final day.

Why? To pray for fertility.

But what does that look like in practice?

These women were brought before a gathering of men, made to state their childlessness publicly (no mention of the husband standing with them). After speaking, she is asked to kneel. They pray for her. Then she is “playfully” dragged and patted “encouragingly” on the back.

Let’s call it what it looks like:

Humiliation.

Especially when these same men had just spent days assaulting women.

The Pressure Cooker

Now imagine being that woman.

Desperate. Childless. Publicly exposed.

If your husband is infertile, what options do you realistically have? Because society will not:

• Blame the man • Question the system • Protect you

So what happens?

You are quietly pushed toward survival strategies.

Since you do not want to experience that humiliation again, and you suspect your husband isn’t “shooting seeds”. You might just try another man to see if you’d have any luck.

The Culture of Male Children

In my culture, a married woman without a child was nothing more than furniture.

If she had only female children, she was constantly reminded she had “only one foot in the house”. This means she could be kicked out any day.

Only when she gave birth to a boy was she officially recognized as a member of her husband’s family.

If she died without birthing a male child, her body was sent back to her father’s house for burial. That was considered a deep insult to her family because only unmarried maidens are buried in their father’s compound.

What Mothers Teach Daughters

So what does a loving mother do to prevent this dishonour for her daughter?

She, like any other woman shaped by the same system, passes down survival tactics:

• Keep having children by any means necessary — until a son comes.
• If your husband isn’t planting the right seeds, find another man with similar features like your husband. One from a family with many males and let him knock you up.
• Just pray the child doesn’t look too far off from your husband. And make sure no one finds out.

Because the goal is not morality. It is survival within a hostile system.

And girl children do not inherit property. They become property themselves.

The Silence Around Male Infertility

Biology tells us that the man determines the child’s sex. And to an extent, people know this. But does that stop them from pressuring the woman? Never.

Indoctrinated mothers become the gatekeepers of misogyny. “I did it and survived, so you should find your way too.” Your mother-in-law steps on your neck until you deliver a male grandchild.

Infertility can affect either partner. But in our world, the man is a god and a god cannot be infertile. So it must be the woman’s fault.

Even when fertility tests prove the man is responsible, if you dare present that evidence, you’re accused of not protecting your husband. “He is your crown. Protect his ego. Take the blame instead.”

Think I’m lying? Ask any Nigerian woman.

I’ve worked with fertility doctors in this part of the world. They’ll tell you that from their experience:

• Out of ten couples, about four husbands agree to testing • Of those, only two will follow through with treatment

The rest? They’ll choose denial and quarrel with their wives.

Many men know they are impotent but hide it. They watch their wives humiliated (pray on mountains for forty days, forced to eat dog faeces and do other questionable things). They’ll even accept more wives, all while the staying silent.

Now ask yourself:

if a man is truly fertile and actively having sex with his wife, how can he not accidentally father even one child out of the multiple children the wife bares?

Not even by chance?

The Lie We Keep Hearing

Let me add something I almost forgot. We are constantly told that women outnumber men, that there are more females than males in the population.

This lie is used to pressure women:

· Justify polygamy without accountability · Pressure women into competition with each other · Devalue women and make them feel replaceable, while men are framed as scarce resources.

“You’re lucky to have any man at all, so endure.” “Women expire after thirty.”

But the truth?

In most countries, including Nigeria, the sex ratio at birth is roughly 105 males to 100 females. While women may live longer, the idea that women vastly outnumber men is a statistical myth. One deployed to keep women compliant.

When you believe you’re “lucky” to have a man, you’re more likely to tolerate infidelity, abuse, and even take the blame for infertility.

And in that confusion, women are pushed into making decisions they wouldn’t otherwise make.

Why Paternity Fraud Happens

For women without financial independence, deeply tied to marriage and societal validation, survival becomes strategic.

And that is where paternity fraud thrives.

Not from random immorality. But from structured pressure.

The woman carries the label of “barren” while the system protects male pride.

Society will simply advise the man to take another wife, saying the first wife’s body “wasn’t strong enough.”

The second wife, already aware of the game, quickly gets pregnant and is celebrated. The first wife is shamed for not “stomaching” infidelity. Meanwhile, the second wife secretly did what needed to be done.

This is not a defence of paternity fraud. It is an explanation.

The Real Solution

If birthing a female child came with the same privileges as birthing a male child, that 64% statistic would plummet. If daughters could inherit property like sons, the pressure would dissolve. Children would be welcomed regardless of gender.

If men opened up about infertility and sought treatment, infidelity driven by the fear of being called “barren” would drop.

Female foetuses wouldn’t be aborted like they were in China and Korea. Female babies wouldn’t be thrown to pigs and dogs as in parts of India and Bangladesh. Girls would be educated, not married off the moment they menstruate.

So no, I do not support paternity fraud. Not in any form. But I understand why it exists at such high rates.

Because it is not just an individual problem.

It is systemic. It is cultural. It is enforced.

It is fuelled by patriarchy. By misogyny. By a culture that demands male children at any cost — and then acts shocked when women find a way to pay that cost.

Click to Get an email whenever Merena Gabriel publishes. Below are more stories from the author…

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