Day 1–642 Things to Write About

What can happen in a second | The worst Thanksgiving dish you ever had | A house plant is dying | 2017 Facebook status

Photo by Wolfgang Hasselmann on Unsplash

These are the proses found in 642 Things to Write About book.

What can happen in a second

• Someone falls in love with just a glance.
• The universe expands by roughly 70 kilometers in every direction — yes, I did fact check that. It’s based on Hubble constant which describes the rate of expansion of the universe. If you are unfamiliar with it, look it up so you can/may debunk me.
• Someone blinks their eyes as they walk by the most beautiful woman on Earth.
• Coffee burns someone’s tongue.
• A car light turns green and the driver in front doesn’t move.
• A notification pops up, yay, someone you have a crush on just liked a picture of you looking totally “cute.”
• Someone is born. Some else dies. Someone posts about both.
• Someone gets into a car accident because of that same post.

What else can happen in a second? Let me know your thoughts.

The worst Thanksgiving dish you ever had

Sue me, but deep-fried turkey is not my thing.

I already have deep-fried chicken. Why do we need to escalate? Chicken is portion-size appropriate. A turkey is a whole ass bird. It’s giving excess. It’s giving “we had a perfectly fine roast turkey and decided to make it everyone’s problem.”

I know people swear by the crispy skin, but every time I see one come out of the fryer, I just think: we flew too close to the sun, mate. It’s also fire hazard, why do you need to bother the firefighters on that one special occasion of the year for your stupidity? You know how many cases around the US that involves frying a fuck ass turkey whole? The number is absolutely high, look it up.

A house plant is dying. Tell it why it needs to live.

Well, it’s hard , even I struggle sometimes, mate. Maybe that’s exactly why you need to keep living: so I have a daily reminder that even a plant on the brink of death can survive. If you can, then maybe I can beat any odds too, right?

P/s: just don’t leave me too, dude.

Write Facebook status update for the year 2017

Well, friends and foes, I have just shaved my head because I found out that my ex — whom I broke up with three months ago for cheating on me, who was still fucking me on the side, and who swore he’d detached himself from all emotions — has been courting another fucking girl in his uni circle.

And guess what? We met today at 2 p.m. and had the steamiest sex. He even suggested we go out for dinner tonight, somewhere our friends wouldn’t see us together again and assume the worst.

Then at 9 fucking p.m., he posted a picture hard-launching her. Well. We were together for a year and not a single picture of me was ever posted. But this skank got the launch in less than three months?

Oh, and for the record, this isn’t even the girl he cheated on me with. How shocking!

And why did I shave my head? Well, it’s better and considerably more legal than cutting off his balls, isn’t it?