Rediscovering Myself Through Another

Beyond Me: The Journey Through Others

Through you, I complete my self-love,

And you, through me, complete your existence.

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Humans are beings of relationships. Throughout life, we form and dissolve various kinds of relationships. Making friends, dating, marriage… And we also have children. There are relationships of teaching and learning too. Perhaps “forming relationships” is one of the most mysterious phenomena, because it is the process by which an individual transcends themselves. What happens through relationships is not merely “the meeting of you and me,” but rather “meeting myself through another.” The “selves” here are not the same as before. Relationships become a way to complete self-love. They provide an opportunity.

Among various relationships, the most mysterious is having children. This does not mean that friendships, romantic relationships, or teacher-student relationships are less significant. They all have their own profound meaning and mystery. But the act of having children carries a more direct intensity, both physically and mentally. Through their own baby, a parent meets for the first time “a self beyond myself, a self outside of me” in vivid reality. To parents, their baby can even become “a self more precious than myself.” A self more precious than me! Isn’t this a mysterious, profound experience that seems possible only through deep philosophy or religion? Not only humans but all living creatures create offspring. In the driest terms, this can be called the instinct for species propagation, the instinct for species preservation. From another perspective, it can be seen as “the instinct to meet myself through another.” The purpose of this meeting is to complete self-love. In other words, to complete one’s existence. Perhaps this is an unconscious or archetypal phenomenon rather than a conscious one.

The self-love of existence is not completed only through having children. It can fully occur in other types of relationships too. And not all parent-child relationships are always good or positive. Sometimes they can be tragic or destructive. Including these negative aspects, what parents ultimately experience is overcoming the obsession, illusion, or ignorance of “a self made up of only me.” This might be a more profound and intense experience than what Buddhism refers to as non-self (anatta). If experienced and realized correctly, that is. Even as parents, if we fall into complacency about our children, prioritize our own desires, and neglect the parts we should cherish and be mindful of for each other, it becomes difficult for everyone involved. Therefore, effort, awareness, and insight are necessary. All the relationships we form contain such archetypal elements.

Therefore, let us In any relationship we form in life, Until the bond of that relationship ends, Cherish and nurture it with all our hearts.

Every relationship is an opportunity. Not just for myself or for the other, But for the sake of transcending ourselves, for the sake of existence itself. And for the completion of the self-love of beings.