When One Spouse Refuses To Help Financially.

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Each one must give as he decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7

Suppose your spouse or significant other isn’t contributing to the household bills. And you are the one who is paying all the bills without any assistance from him/her/them. Not only are they not helping with the bills your partner/spouse feels like you owe them money. “Sounds crazy right?”

“You heard right.” You’re paying all the bills, and your spouse/significant other refuses to help and believes that you owe them money. My first thought was, did I hear them right? After I picked my ears up off the floor, I thought, where do they do that at?

“It would be best to inform your partner that the money they think you owe them is being paid back every time you have to foot the bills and make up for their not contributing financially. Every time you have to buy food and keep the lights on, they have been paid back.”

The idea of them feeling like they are owed money is baffling to me. No money was borrowed, so what is there to pay back? We both live in the house we both use the electricity and all the usable things that make a home function. We both work, which makes one of us feel like we shouldn’t want to pay equally.

When someone in the relationship feels like they are paying everything all the time this can become a serious problem. Because the financial conversation never happened that's when misunderstandings occurred, and people start to assume things like not feeling the need to help out with the financial aspects of the relationship.

• In the past they might have experienced a situation where they got stuck paying all the bills and it didn’t go well.
• Having a lack of financial literacy.
• Not being able to find work and this csaues them to become fustrated, when they don’t have the skills, or exeperience
• Having severe mental challenges.
• They might not feel the need to help if basic needs are met.

What’s A Partner To Do?

So you feel short-changed about having to pay all the bills while you're spouse doesn't contribute not one cent. Times have changed, it costs more to live now. Those days when one paycheck could pay for everything are gone and they will not be coming back.

It’s a frustrating and potentially damaging situation when one partner in a relationship is shouldering all the financial responsibility while the other refuses to contribute. This can create resentment, a power imbalance, and stress within the relationship and can become draining.

The Talk

In many marriages, the husband shares money, but not information regarding his salary, spending or investments. It is crucial for both the spouses not only to be in the loop when it comes to finances, but also be equal beneficiaries of wealth. “When couples are not seeing eye to eye on the financial part of the relationship. When this happens It’s time to have that very calm discussion wih your spouse/partner and find out whats really going on.”

When there’s money tension in a relationship, there’s bound to be a root cause. Your spouse or partner might have underlying fears or anxieties about money, they may be haunted by past failures, feel they lack financial skills or knowledge, or even be hiding a financial secret.

Having that calm talk where the one who is paying everything gets to express their feelings and concerns. Express how both of you need to have a blame free conversation about this financial situation.