The Only One That Never Leaves, Even When Everything Else Does.

When everything feels too heavy… When my heart is a mess… When the world outside doesn’t make sense… YOU STAY. You don’t ask for explanations. You don’t question my fears, my insecurities or my thoughts I’m too afraid to say aloud. You simply hold them all without hesitation and judgment.

You don’t judge the way my hands shake when I write or the way my words sometimes don’t make sense. Every untold story, every silent tear, every dream I’m too scared to say aloud… You just hold them all.

You know the weight of my tears. The nights I buried my face into your pages because there was no one else to listen. You have carried my pain in ink… my silent prayers in unfinished sentences… my hopes in pages I was too scared to complete.

If you could speak… I know you’d cry with me, celebrate with me, and remind me that I’m never truly alone. I know you’d break with me on the nights I couldn’t hold myself. You’d also be the first to lift me up… to tell me that I am more than my struggles and my dreams still matter that no pain is permanent and no matter what I must keep going.

Somewhere between these pages, my past, present, and future exist together. The person I was, the person I am, and the person I hope to become.

I wonder about the day when I’ll open these pages years from now. Will I smile at the battles I thought I wouldn’t survive? Will I feel proud of how far I’ve come? If my future self ever feels lost, I hope these pages remind me of my strength… the strength I sometimes forget I have.

Maybe, years from now… I’ll open you again and find pieces of myself I had forgotten. I know I’ll find proof that I survived every storm I thought would break me. Maybe I’ll find strength in my own words. Maybe I’ll smile at the battles I thought I’d never win. Maybe I’ll be grateful for the pain, because it led me to something better. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll still sit down, pen in hand, and tell you everything.

Because YOU… YOU are the only thing that never leaves.

And that’s why in this ever-changing world no matter what, I always return to you… MY DIARY.

Photo by Balázs Horváth on Unsplash