Lost in the crowded heart

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“A soul unseen waits to be discovered, and yet no one looking for it.”

I can’t quite understand the feeling of loneliness. Some say it’s when I in the room all by myself without anyone to reach, some say it’s when I don’t have someone to talk to and it’s become bitter every second, or maybe when you just can’t talk about your feeling out till it becomes rotten to yourself and it continues ‘till it becomes a habit. But for me, loneliness is when you love someone, but you get nothing in return. Acceptance nor rejection.

If I want to be true, I don’t want to fall into you

It’s not like my willingness to give in to love you, but it’s beyond my understanding. I can’t quite understand it, but every time your thoughts cross my mind, my heart races faster than before, and without realizing it I’m falling deeper into you without my consent. Can I blame you for this? No. Is it my fault? No. So who should I blame?

“I don’t understand about love, but I do fall for you every day”

But the real problem lies in this question. Does she love me too? Does she feel the same too? Or this feeling is mine only to experience it? Should I try to reach out to her? Should I ask her? All those questions are living free rent inside me, yet when she walks beside me I can’t drive my lips to say those words. It’s like she opened my heart to her, but locked my lips to say those words.

Do you see me the way I see you?

“Expectations is a ladder to a dream or a hole to downfall, nothing in between”

At this right moment, I understand why people are addicted to gambling, It’s because they give you a chance to win something big but comes with a high risk too. It’s like when you are about to win, there’s just a twist when you can’t win, no matter how much you spent on it, in the end, you’ll keep losing or at least you can’t get back the same amount of money. I think we can apply this to how loves work.

When you know you already grabbed her attention and you think she already focused on you, that moment I realize I’m the one that played into her hand instead. No matter how many days I spent my time with you to help you shopping and, dozens of phone calls I pick up from you just to keep you company, I think it’s just not enough to bag your heart, isn’t it?

If I never your option, why did you include me in all of your actions?

Tell me why you try to hold me when there is nothing in you that is meant for me. The feeling of being wanted by someone is intriguing for you isn’t it? I never get accepted or rejected by you. Maybe I want to be loved by you as I love you, It’s my dream. But — ”I forgot nightmare is also a form of dream.”

Loneliness for me is a form of inactiveness of one individual being to attract another individual into their lives and keep their crowded heart wandering around without knowing where to show their interest to. In the end, we ended up alone with our hearts always wander, what if she liked me back then? Or what if I never confessed my love to her? But life must go on and we just a little thing that filled this world.

“You can be gold in a world full of diamonds, you just have to find the right person”