Wired For Warmth

Wired for warmth

I fully believe that humans can be built for warm weather. As someone who’s body seems to physically reject the cold environments, i’ve know for most of my life that i need to live someone warm and tropical. It’s like my deep internal soul is giving me a direct sign. It’s inside me screaming at me “ Move away from this hellish winter and follow the sun!” And from someone who’s spent their entire life in oregon, I can shamelessly admit that winters here are not actually that brutal. Everyday in winter averages around 45°, mostly overcast clouds and occasional rainfall. It only freezes in the early morning until around 9AM when all the ice melts. It only snows 1–2 times a year- normally in the depths of february when a few inches will dust the ground. However this few inches of snow will undoubtedly close school for atleast 3 days and give everyone an excuse to quarantine in their house for a week because they’re “stuck inside” or “basically snowed in.” so i’m hindsight, no the winters i’ve experienced so far in life have not been extreme to any extent compared to the stories I hear about east coast winters, or peoplein Wisconsin living in -15° in december. However I am as unhappy in my 45° winter than I would be in -15°. The concept of winter, with its bone chilling cold and depressing atmosphere make not only my seasonal depression spike, but also my physical bodies reaction to the cold suffer immensely. The lack of Vitamin D during these months makes my (incredibly pale) skin thin and dry, which allows rhe veins of my skin to come through which creates quite a walking dead appearance. Additionally, my hair dries out and breaks, and the constant cold created with lack of circulation that gives my complexion a blue tint that simply seems inhumane. People often say I look ill or unwell in winter- which many people would take offense too, except for I couldn’t agree with them more. As my appearance most definitely looks unwell.

In winter I find it hard to breathe, as if the cold is compressing my lungs, and making them shrink. This is often followed by minor panic attacks and claustrophobia when the cold becomes too intense. I wholeheartedly believe that these signs are my body simply rejecting the cold. Throughout winter I have an internal craving for warmth and the sun, and i belive this is my soul communicating to me where i need to go through physical and mental signs. This inner voice needs to be heard, so it communicates through these physical attributes that I associate with the cold and winter. And I know winters are not this miserable for everyone. Classmates will show up in the morning wearing a tank top and jeans being completely comfortable, while im bundled in my North face puffer jacket, hoodie, and ski thermals under. Many of my friends retain their natural glow that they acquire in summer all through winter, and maintain everyday motivation and energy that I lack in winter months. Many of my peers even thrive in cold environments more than warm ones. Nearly everyone in my town skis or snowboards. Going up to the ski mountain for hours on end is a non-negotiable for most of my school. I however, take one step on snow and am mentally transported to a warm beach, maybe in hawaii or mexico with the warm sand taking place of the ice. In fact, there’s nothing I dread more than ski mountains, and once even rejected 175$ offered to me by my friend to go skiing with them for the day. And no I have not regretted it for a second since then. As for me, there is nothing I can imagine that’s worse than subjecting yourself to a day of pain and pure mental discomfort of being on top of a cold, snowy, windy, mountain And calling it “skiing”

I often have dreams of hot summer days and feel the warmth of the beach encapsulate me as I sleep, which I also believe is a divine power telling me what my next steps in life need to be. I do, however believe that some people (very different from me) are absolutely meant for the cold. They thrive in Puffer jackets and winter boots, find beauty in snow capped mountains and frozen lakes, don’t mind the lack of sun and embrace the wind and rain like pluvial-files. This could very well be there inner divine communicating with them the atmosphere in which they will thrive, and this is also reason to believe my inner divine is screaming at me to get out of oregon and head south to warm Malibu beaches. açaí bowls, surfing, boardwalks, and the smell of freshly sprayed sunscreen floating in the air.

This is not a new concept i’ve been considering either. I look back at baby pictures of be as a toddler or in my moms arms, floating in the salty ocean with my floral bikini and goggles, grinning ear to ear. I knew where I was destined to be from a young age. my young trips to hawaii and Mexico permanently altering my brain chemistry and introducing me to the atmosphere I was destined for. Ever since the 5th grade I began looking forward to leaving these oregon winters behind me, and venturing to the never ending summers. Around this time I started an internal countdown of how many more winters I had to survive before I was finally free. Because yes, for me winter is about surviving and nothing basically nothing else. Everyday lived is just one more tick on the calendar, until the June sun breaks free and warms my skin again.

I can only hope that one day soon I will escape the seasonal depression and bone chilling cold of oregon winters, and will find myself somewhere where winter is only a faint concept people sometimes talk about over dinner- but never really experience.