HUMOR IS THE GOOD-NATURED SIDE OF TRUTH

How to Unfuck Your Writing

And reach the cliff edge of publishing in 10 steps

She could have been reading your Medium article. Photo by Fatih Doğrul from Pexels.

#1. You must consider yourself entertaining.

Whether you’re writing a personal essay, fiction, or a story about a missing item from the sock’s point of view, you must imagine yourself as funny, and your audience engaged, tossing popcorn in the air and wiping hands fast to clap, and practice formulating beautiful comments on paper napkins.

This way, you’ll present the best version of yourself.

You won’t explain your jokes using two long paragraphs, dismiss yourself in the third, only to edit them out, seconds before smashing publish.

#2. What if you liked yourself?

All of us worry about healing our issues and accidentally deleting creativity in the same stroke. But as a person who exists online, you should know that everything is ephemeral. Your ideas, your stats, and your sorrows.

Writing from a place of love is intoxicating. Now everyone wants to be you.

#3. Channel dead writers.

What did Franz Kafka and Emily Dickinson have in common? They couldn’t or didn’t publish their work. Now the whole world quotes them, attempting to sound literary. Deeper than the spoon they used to stir their coffee.

Don’t be like them. Don’t let others steal your light. But also be like them, in the sense that you own your weird. One day, it will be taught in a course.

#4. Complete your thoughts.

While staring at a blank page, most of us would have a point we like to call the beginning. After years of experimenting and abhorring endings, I now tie them to my opening lines, bookending the story.

But what about the middle?

This is how you win against the word counter and hit 500 words. Let every thought flow. Ramble. Meander. Take those leaps of logic. Follow tangents.

#5. Be diplomatic.

Somewhere out there, there’s a version of me with thicker skin who doesn’t fight with fantasy reactions while writing a draft. She’s not afraid of making people uncomfortable or sharing odd opinions. That person is not me.

Be cryptic. Leave things open to interpretation. And when anyone suggests an explanation in the comments, agree with them enthusiastically.

The reader is always right.

DNF: Did not finish. But what do I mean? 🔪 😁

#6. Lose your inhibitions.

I don’t care whether you get drunk, watch a sunset while doing yoga poses, or crush Ecstasy into your cereal. Whatever makes your mind shut up.

Because your mind, brilliant as it is, will also label you useless, unoriginal, and remind you of an awkward interaction from 2011, in the eight minutes you were supposed to use to come up with the next subheading.

If you listened to your inner critic, you’d never make it out of bed.

#7. Text a writer friend.

Notice the inclusion of the word writer. Make connections with people who play the game called encourage for encourage. When you hesitate, hit them up instead. 9/10 times, they will send you heart emojis.

I mean, have you seen my comments section?

As an exception to the rule, they might steal your idea. In that scenario, you down an espresso and reach the finish line faster. Early bird and all that.

Or publish them close together and call it inspiration.

#8. Start a project.

Nothing is a more fertile ground for creativity than setting a lofty objective. Mark a goal so high that when you fall, you will be cushioned by a star.

Start, get distracted, and check off all the 89 prompts from your brain. Last night, I was supposed to be inside a dystopian world, stalking a person who wakes up as a leader and can’t remember anything else.

I wrote this instead. Imagine if I were thinking of writing a book.

#9. Go down the rabbit hole.

Most of us have a fucked up relationship with learning/studying in a formal environment. No, a Zoom Call doesn’t make giving a test any better.

Look something up. For example, are black roses real? Type words and feel their synonyms until you find one that fits your expression best, read pages on Wikipedia, and click on the links to read a subsequent page.

I guarantee you, you’ll find something interesting to write about.

#10. Don’t be afraid of AI.

AI doesn’t own words like tapestry, quiet, delve, or architecture. Nor does it have any proprietorship over the mighty em dash.

One day, it could be a better writer than you and me, objectively, that is.

But who would want to read what a machine wrote? The entire point of this exchange is to know what humans look like when they remove their masks. To give a name to a feeling we’ve barely traced in the dark.

To make another laugh because we’re pointing at the same absurdity.

Author’s Confessions:

I stole the idea for this story from Smillew, who (surprise) borrowed it from Philip Ogley, who in turn was inspired by John Corten.

Please note that while Philip shortened the title, and Smillew used his story to market his Top Hat Seminar (which, hard recommend, btw), I took all of Philip’s subheadings and created their mirror images.

PPS. The kicker is a quote by Mark Twain, and “bookending the story” from point number four is a quote by Marsha Adams.

Find the other pieces below, then come back here to crown mine the best.

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