How Society Tricks Us Into Defining Ourselves by Our Careers

Why some people find it easy to escape the rat race

Photo by Abdul on Adobe Stock

What would you talk about at social gatherings if you couldn’t talk about what you do for a living?

Since the time of hunters and gatherers, people have defaulted to defining themselves by what they do for work.

But what happens if you decide that you’ve had enough of the stress of your job? Is there a type of person that finds it easier to retire (even early, in some cases) or to step away from their fast-paced career progression in favor of a different or calmer job?

There are in fact some psychological traits that indicate what type of person might find it easier to “escape the rat race.”

Why people sometimes stay in jobs they don’t love

Nobody really wants to be a rat stuck in a race they may or may not be winning.

But when it comes to our jobs and our work lives, often we find ourselves locked into the careers we’ve spent years pursuing.

This happens for several reasons. We’ve already mentioned one big one: societal expectations. We all know that one of the first “getting to know you” questions that people ask when being introduced to new acquaintances or groups is “What do you do?”

It can be deeply uncomfortable to not have a ready answer for that question.

For another, most of us need money to live, access to health insurance and other benefits that employment can provide, not to mention the rewards of job promotions and raises.

Some commentators even refer to this as the “hedonic treadmill”: You get a bonus at work, so then you upgrade your lifestyle and spend more money, and then you have to work for the next bonus to help pay for it.

People are also apt to become stuck in the “sunk cost fallacy” pertaining to their career.

If they have incurred education debt to work a specific job, or paid for other training or certifications, they may be unwilling to leave their field or change careers because they have already sunk time and resources into it.

Before many people know it, they’re stuck in a career race that they’d rather not be running.

Warning signs that work is no longer working for you

Many people know, deep down, when it’s time to seek out a change in your job or simply step away from a high-powered career path.

One sign to watch for is if you no longer view your future at work with any kind of interest or excitement.

Experts say that if you look ahead to the future, at your supervisor or manager, and you don’t really want to be them or have their job in five to ten years, it may be time to consider a change.

Another sign might be when you realize you are sacrificing everything — time, activities with your family, the space to pursue hobbies you enjoy — simply to work more hours and gain a higher salary. Working at this pace may also start to send you signs of burnout, including fatigue, depression, and anxiety.

How to become “exit ready”

There are a number of habits and traits that may make it easier to survive getting off the work treadmill. Many can be learned, and practiced.

Although we have evolved to enjoy the rewards and dopamine hits that career progression can provide, it is possible to change how we reward ourselves.

People who are naturally good at getting or staying out of the rat race have been found to display what is called “temporal discounting flexibility.” This means that they can focus on the person they are in the present as vividly as they can imagine the person they might be in the future.

People with such flexibility may value different rewards than higher salaries in the future; like more time or better, less stressed health in the present.

This temporal discounting is often presented as a bad trait that leads to poor decision making that only focuses on short-term gains. It can, however, be a positive trait when it leads individuals to question how much of their current lives they are sacrificing in order to achieve longer-term career milestones.

People who walk away from established career paths also tend to focus less on social comparison anxiety. They realize that their personal feelings and goals can take precedence over their fear of how others will view them and the less prestigious jobs or work they might choose.

Perhaps more than any other skill, people who want to leave the rat race may need to cultivate a certain flexibility of mind. Are you able to decide what is truly most important to you, and commit yourself to achieving it? Even if such goals include less high-status items like important titles or higher salaries? Are you able to re-calibrate your lifestyle so that it requires fewer financial resources to maintain? You may have to develop a more internal locus of control and believe that you can determine the course of your life no matter what you do for work.

Are you ready to define success differently?

When deciding to retire, change jobs, or leave the “rat race” of your current job, the most important thing to do is be honest with yourself.

Do you already exhibit traits that will make this change possible? Do you already strongly believe in your ability to find work and roles that are meaningful to you, and is that more important than fitting into a society that typically values high-stress careers and more expensive lifestyles?

Many people have learned that it can be important to live for each day and to recalibrate their definition of true success. Once you do those things, leaving the rat race might be easier than you think.