Bumbling into a FLR

It is vexing. Where, so many submissive men would like to know, can they meet a dominant woman? If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me that question, I’d have at least two bucks in my pocket. Alas, there is no simple or easy answer. Love can be elusive and at the end of a woman’s leash, even more so. Despite what some believe, I did not start this blog to meet dominant women — though I did end up having a lovely long-term relationship with one as a result. Even I — whom one woman once termed “the world’s most famous submissive man” — has struggled with connections. Obviously the explosion of social media and dating apps have made the task a bit easier but hook ups aren’t relationships and women can still be very closeted when it comes to their desire to expose their dominance. As a submissive male seeking to serve and submit to a woman, you do have some options. And there are even some very specific apps — Feeld and Chyrp come to mind — tailored for dominant women to connect with submissive men. But for the sake of this post I’m going to primarily focus on Bumble and my experience in find a loving domme.

Bumble, one of the world’s largest online dating platforms was founded by a woman — originally part of the team that created Tinder — and is intentionally engineered to give women the upper-hand in what can too often be a vicious online dating culture. Bumble stands apart from other sites by giving women full control over prospective male candidates. Men can swipe right on a woman they’re interested in connecting with, but they cannot start a conversation unless the woman responds back. This hierarchical construct appeals to me for a number of good reasons. I appreciate the modern female-first dynamic Bumble espouses while offering women more choice and power to select which men are worthy of their time and consideration. Yes, it can be frustrating when you’re highly interested in someone and they ignore you, but being dismissed out of hand is a byproduct of the process.

I have swiped through more profiles than I care to admit. And perhaps surprisingly, I read each one before I swipe left or right. What I can share — from my experience — is it is relatively rare to find a woman on Bumble who will come straight out and express her dominant desires. Some women put in key words — even phrases — that speak to their appreciation for submissive men. But for the most part, profiles on Bumble are about as vanilla as they come. There are exceptions. I fondly recall a profile from a very attractive woman in New York City who mentioned that she “believes in the power of polarity” adding that she was a woman who, “gravitates towards intelligent, compliant and devoted suitors.” Yup! That’s one woman I really wanted to connect with but she never responded.

So in response, I created a bespoke profile — tailored specifically to appeal to those women who prefer to pursue a relationship with eager-to-please submissive men. And though I do not specifically state in my profile that I am “submissive,” there are adjectives and carefully crafted sentences that speak to my submissive stance towards women. Key to my profile is the mention of “FLR.” Yup, I put it right on there. If a woman knows what it is, than she knows what I’m all about. If not, she might think it is a reference to Florida. Who knows? Most dominant women who have reached out to me have managed to Gestalt my profile and introduced themselves as being dominant or at least appreciative of deferentially-oriented men. One woman called me a “unicorn.” This is her verbatim message to me in response to my profile: “I was thrilled to see your pro feminine stance. It is so rare, even on this platform. And it appears you prefer a relationship dynamic way beyond supporting a woman’s right for equality. I admire that. Have you been fortunate enough to have relationships with a non traditional power dynamic? I am quite interested in that type of partnership. Unfortunately, it seems most people I’ve met think it means it’s some sort of kinky role playing. Not judging the kink community, It’s just not what I am looking for. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be in control in the bedroom, also. I am looking for a healthy relationship with a man, where I am in charge, he defers to me in most decisions, and he prefers it that way. I haven’t been able to even have true equality, let alone that kind of power.” I responded enthusiastically but the conversation never went anywhere. Another woman in Washington, D.C. wrote in response to my profile: “Hello. Your interesting choice of adjectives to describe yourself makes your desires quite clear.” To which I responded, “Thank you for noticing. I am very sincere and secure with who I am and what I desire in a relationship with a woman.” She followed up with: “Yes I understand the dynamic. I am naturally dominant but not a dominatrix. I live a fitness lifestyle and am at ease in the gym or at a UN event.” Again, some chatter but no connection. And so it goes. I’ll write more on some of the other dating sites I’ve exposed myself on and the experiences I have had there.

Please feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions or insights to share with regard to this posting or my views on female led relationships as a sincere and secure submissive male. My email is iobeywomen@gmail.com Thank you.