How I Met My Lovely Researcher: A Modern Love Story

Feeling the pressure of my biological clock as an Asian woman approaching 30, I decided to get serious about finding a partner. I knew I wanted children, and I was aware of the limitations of having them at an older age. So, in 2024, I installed three dating apps to broaden my search.

Between September and October 2024, I met three men through the apps. I only spoke with two of them for a couple of weeks, but I had a month-long “talking stage” with one, whom I’ll call “J.” This experience became a crucial realization of my self-worth and what I deserved in a relationship. J was two years older than me and about my height (which is short for a man). He was initially charming, frequently calling me “Sweety” in a pleasant voice. However, this sweetness faded after the first two weeks. He became increasingly distant, citing his busy schedule and failing to suggest a second date, despite us living in the same city. In the fourth week, I initiated a second date, as I was losing interest and wanted to give it one last shot. He cancelled on the day, claiming illness. Whether he was being truthful or not, I took it as a sign and moved on.

Walking away from “J” made me feel empowered. I realized I was a high-value woman who deserved a partner of equal standing. I revised my dating profile to reflect this, highlighting my qualities and specifying what I was looking for in a man. My family knew I was actively dating. One day, my dad suggested I include my surname on my profile. In Bataknese culture, our surname is a crucial identifier, revealing our lineage and community. Initially hesitant, I eventually agreed after hearing his logical reasoning. After updating my profile with my surname, I matched with him: my lovely researcher.

At the end of October 2024, I was working at Starbucks when I received a notification that I had matched with someone. I looked at his profile picture and thought, “Wow, he looks very Batak!” (We share the same ethnicity). He was a doctoral student living in Ireland. Despite these positive qualities, I didn’t message him first because he wasn’t exactly my physical type. To my surprise, he messaged me first (on this app, women usually initiate the conversation). He thoughtfully answered my opening question, unlike other guys who just flirted without reading my profile. We chatted on the app for less than a day before he suggested a call, expressing his interest in hearing my story (I love to talk, and I appreciate a good listener). We moved to WhatsApp and talked for four hours straight. He told me he initially thought I was Javanese, but my surname on my profile made him swipe right, knowing what he was getting into (Thanks, Dad!). Bataknese men typically respect Bataknese women, viewing them as “Princesses,” daughters of kings, according to tradition. We just clicked. We spent days talking, understanding each other’s values and goals before committing to a relationship. My feminine side felt safe to emerge, knowing he could lead and I could follow. And his appearance? After talking with him and seeing him on video calls, I found him cute, and I don’t mind seeing his face every day.

Now, we’ve been together for six months. This is my longest relationship (don’t judge me, previously my relationship only last for a month, lol). Both of us share the goal of marriage and building a family. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that we are both committed to working on this relationship together.