There is a serious need for some parents to read about parenting .

Is Birthdays even a thing in brown household? Answer : Yes. But also… not really.

In many brown households, birthdays exist, but they’re treated more like a technicality than a celebration.

You’re born → relatives remember the date → they wish you on that date → that’s it.

No candles, no loud “Happy Birthday,” no emotional buildup. At best:

• “Aaj tumhara birthday hai na?” (“Today is your birthday right”)
• “Chalo mandir ho aate hain.” (“Lets go to a temple”)
• “Lo, yeh chocolate baant do.” (“Distribute these chocolates”)

Here, Cake is optional. Happiness is implied mostly for the photos

Birthdays get reframed such as

• a religious moment (“Bhagwan ka shukr manao”)
• moral reminder (“Ek saal aur zimmedari badh gayi”)
• a comparison checkpoint (“Iss age mein hum toh job kar rahe the”)

Celebration, if any, usually peaks in childhood and then quietly retires once you’re “grown enough to understand.”

So birthdays aren’t ignored , they’re just under-celebrated, because:

• joy is seen as unnecessary noise
• achievements matter more than existence
• attention is earned, not assumed

Which is why many brown kids grow up feeling slightly awkward wanting a big birthday , like they’re asking for something extra, even selfish.

“But wanting to celebrate your own existence?

That’s not Western. That’s human.”

Birthdays are just… muted here.

In my house, birthdays are considered “nothing”and when I say nothing , I mean it .

I recently turned 18th birthday and somehow I had to celebrate it home not my hostel, Thank God I have some great friends who celebrated it at midnight on the way back home. But yeah after reaching my place, the entire day was empty and even the first comment passed to me on coming home was not my birthday wish, it was a remark targeting my insecurity from no one but my dad. Like better not speak anything , the kind of memory I have of my 18th bday is just , ‘A day I don’t want to live again’ .

I was about to cry at that instance but in these 18 years of existence I have forgiven many things of them so this was just a piece of cake .

The Fashion Thing

At my house, I am not free to wear what I want , the good dresses, no , girly dresses a straight no , and a age old kurta acceptable .

A little makeup — just lip balm — and I hear :

“Tu itna fashion kyu kar rhi hain aaj kal ”, (“Why are you doing fashion nowadays”)

Putting on some earrings or a nail paint ,

“Padhne wale bache fashion nhi karte ”, (The students who study don’t do all this”)

They have killed my teens , I still have my twenties and I will not let the same happen to them .

Sometimes I want them to know how “good” I actually am , kids of my age are just doing everything they are warned about all the bad traits and here I am not even able to apply a nail paint. Like what duhhh

A little openness and filling in of this generation gap is much needed . That’s all is enough.

The No For Solo Photo Thing

• I dont have a single photo of mine from my teenage years like all are in a group , you would think why right ?

because my mom thinks clicking your solo photos is like going modern , going out of hands . She just thinks anything fr . (And it is for most of the girls here), i just have 1 or 2 pictures of mine which i have saved .

Me and my brother don’t have a single pictue of us two together .When we were kids, my brother and I were never really allowed to take individual photos. The idea was always, “What’s the point of solo pictures?”

If photos were being taken, they had to be family photos.

Now, when they want us to take pictures together or pose for photos, we don’t.

Not because we don’t care — but because we never developed the habit. From childhood itself, it was set that photos weren’t something we did casually or individually.

My Brother

My brother did something for me , and I know this , He went in a medium grade school so that i can study in a better one , Yes I know — that the fees was paid by my parents , but why did “he” have to compromise ,why doesn’t he had the same chance. Can you imagine the guilt that stays with me.

Maybe it’s overthinking , but yeah overthinking grows in a house where you can’t speak , and when you do speak, no one even listen.

I have tried and now I have stopped

I don’t tell them about my life .

I don’t share anything good days

bad days

marks

I sometimes think that have one child and give him/her everything EVERYTHING IN THIS WHOLE WORLD THAT HE WANTS .

Instead of having two or three and none is seen , none is feeling good, all are thinking to save money, and at last you are left with just money not a single memory.

It’s just okay now , LIFE is so confusing like one day you are like yeah I am so grateful I have a family which loves me and then other day it’s Ohh damn they are so restricting.

Spending Money

• I don’t get the concept that why can’t you spend money on your child’s birthday when you do buy on someone else’s child birthday . Their reply is like “ Vo bhi gifts dete hai hume bhi dene pdenge ”. Average comments

BUT I can’t do anything, cause they are giving my fees, the fees of my college and all the money they have spent on my upbringing and I just love them . I can’t live without them . And I even hate them for some reasons and this is the duality .

“You hate them and you love them both at a single time”

This article is written by a fully frustrated child and not just one , there are many , many of my own friends , everyone have their own problems , all are just living , loving and existing.

P.S. I would highly suggest you guys to celebrate your own birthdays , gift yourself , surprise yourself , go solo , go out and do something , don’t just sit and wait for someone to celebrate .

It’s “your” birthday

Celebrate “yourself” ♡

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