Rachana’s Blog #50 :Poorvi : The one who made me a Mother-in-law!!

Rachana’s Blog #50 :Poorvi : The one who made me a Mother-in-law!!

Going down memory lane on Poorvi’s birthday coincidentally today: 16th December. Happy Birthday Kiddo. Wishing you all happiness!!

My Princess Poorvi

I met Poorvi for the first time on my birthday 23rd March 2017. I was getting ready as my friends were coming over to celebrate my birthday, and Nikki (Rishabh) comes home, bringing me a surprise! He tells me he has brought Poorvi home. I paused for a second, not knowing what to do (hey come on it was the first time I am being officially introduced to a girl by my son!) Well, I then used our most tried and tested method! I left my room with a big smile, and arms wide open. I welcomed her with a “Jhappi”. But boy was she tall! I always considered myself above average, but Poorvi- she towered over me. So now I am the shortest person in the family. All three Raju, Nikki and Poorvi tower over me.

Poorvi got me a beautiful gift, so well packed (I still have the box with me). Anyone who knows me, knows a beautiful neck piece will bowl me over, and Poorvi got me 7–8 lovely handpicked, hand packed neck pieces. I still debate what was more charming — Poorvi and her smile or the neck pieces?? Nah! I treasure the neckpieces, but my real treasure are my kids!!

My kids Rishabh & Poorvi

I spoke to Poorvi just once before I met her in person. She was on a vacation with her parents. After I spoke to her, I sent her an SMS stating it was a pleasure talking to her. You will never guess what happened next. There was some technical glitch and the same message was repeated and she received it more than a 100 times! Hehehe I must be getting into the “badgering mother-in-law” mode and technology was helping me!!

Poorvi with her parents during their Vishakapatnam trip where technology played a role and first meeting with the family 2017

Poorvi has been an integral part of our family for six years now. And in these six years I have sung this song many a times….. “Mere ghar aayi ek 6 foot pari….” (A six foot fairy has come to my home….) though she is not 6 feet in height … but boy! the song goes very well on her. Poorvi is tall and is my beautiful fairy.

When we were fixing the marriage date, I had one constant worry, will she adjust? More so will we adjust?? For every girl, it is a new beginning with unfamiliar surroundings, and not so very familiar new family members. A girl in India marries not just the boy, she marries the whole family. It is like walking into a big black hole not knowing what is there on the other side.

Thankfully I found a solution. One has to make the girl feel welcome, not just welcome but that she is a part of the family, the most important missing link to complete the family.

I had planned from day one that if I want her to treat me like a mother, I will have to treat her like a daughter first. I ensure that I never point out her mistakes alone, I first point out my son’s mistake, and then hers. I do not take sides (it was not easy in the beginning, I assure you. The mother in me would raise its ugly head more often than not, but I would suppress it with the bribe of the larger goal of peace, and togetherness). So, if it was my son’s fault, it was. There was no discount to him being my son. It is not that it was always hunky dory. No, I lost my cool sometimes and so did she, but she never crossed the line. She never answered back. I have always sat and explained things to her, and she has listened. We both have made an effort to not follow pre-conceived notions. Don’t Moms shout at their children? Don’t children throw tantrums? Why should this be any different?

The most important is we do not expect my son to take sides. I must admit now it is the other way round. We both gang up against the poor unsuspecting boy

with both sets of parents Raju & Rachana, Bheela & Sudhir, sister Tanvi and her husband Anish and my darling Rishabh

Poorvi and I have a lot in common. We both love to read, and love watching English films. This was also a great ice breaker.

Poorvi is a great shopper, she loves retail therapy. It could be things for herself, for me, for the house. Poorvi should just get an inkling of the “need” and there without blinking an eye she will order. Hehehe… and not just order some article, given a chance she will order the whole store. I cannot help but mention this incident…..

During the lock down, we were all literally living out of our pyjamas. I had a few night dresses but of course they had become victim to wear and tear. Guess what? Yes Right! Poorvi goes and gets me four pairs. Four! I told her Poorvi this is too much. She said actually Mom in your size they had only four, so I got them all. I dread to think what this girl would have done if there were six or eight of the pyjama sets!!!! Arey baba… this generous girl! I ensure I now tell her the number of items too. Napkins need to be replaced, pots and pans need to be purchased or medicines need to be ordered, Poorvi needs to get a whiff of the need and lo and behold they are ordered and delivered!

Oh another one!..Recently, we both went shopping. I needed something, so was trying them out. Suddenly, Poorvi picks up a kurti and invites me to try it out just because she thinks it will look nice on me. I flatly refused. I am no longer going to office that I need so many clothes I told her. She replied, “Just try it, one must not have a “need” to purchase”. There in the middle of the shop with the attendant looking at us with amusement, we both played a back and forth game, yes and no game with the kurti. I am sure the attendant was disappointed that I won this round and he was deprived of a sale!

I am happy that I have a daughter in Poorvi. I now have two children to look after. Oh poor me!!!!

My heartbeats Rishabh & Poorvi

Poorvi is very truthful. What you see is what you get. Our midnight coffees and Noodles are all courtesy Poorvi. She is not good in the mundane recipes in the kitchen (Just like me!) but if she has to make a special dish like pasta, pizza, Paneer Lababdaar, mutton, chicken… and many more… then slurp slurp she is very very good. It is a treat to eat food cooked by her, which is rare, so more the reason to enjoy these delicacies cooked by Chef Poorvi.

Cooking & Eating…..

In addition to Noodles which Poorvi feels is the best medicine for all ails (her oft repeated line is “zehar ko zehar maarta hai” (poison kills poison), Poorvi & Rishabh love Chips. During one of my lectures on food habits, I took all the packets of chips and noodles and stored them in a box in my room. After a few days, the kids thinking I am asleep sneak into my room to silently pick up the packet of chips. And there was I, smiling into my pillow, trying to stifle my giggle. Kids!! Will remain kids.

My Poorvi is a good masseur. A little headache here, or body pain or a cold, and there comes my Florence Nightingale. She weaves magic. A couple of times when I or any of us have had a cold or sore throat, out comes Poorvi with mustard oil (Sarson ka tel) and massages the soles of our feet, our forehead, throat and chest. What a relief. Her hands work magic.

Started Early :Poorvi as a Nurse, the Architect on the job, On the go Poorvi

Oh I almost forgot! I always greet everyone I know with a big “Jhappi” (Hug). All my building friends will vouch how I have converted all of them from non-jhappi persons to jhappi persons. So, when Poorvi came into our lives, she was also not a jhappi person. My friends teased me and teased me “Now Rachanaji, Poorvi ko sikhao jhappi” (teach Poorvi your trademark jhappi). I picked up the gauntlet, and slowly but surely was successful in converting Poorvi to an albeit reluctant, conscious, jhappi girl. Yaay! Yaay! And Yaay! Again.

Learning the Jhappi but not without my Chips! with Raju and Me

Poorvi loves to travel and go out. She has ensured we all have caught the bug, and caught it bad. Rishabh and she organise the whole trip and we? Just sit back and enjoy.

A few of the memorable trips

Poorvi is also a good listener and a fast learner. She has started her own business, and comes to me for advice sometimes. She listens to what I have to say (Hope she appreciates it too! Hahaha I just cannot do without a jest). She is working very hard, well supported by her husband Rishabh, and doing very well. She has the right recipe here- Think Big, Start Small, Move Fast.

Did I mention she is a fast learner? Yeah, she always was. Right from the time she was a toddler! Bheela, Poorvi’s mother was narrating an incident which I would like to share here. Poorvi turned two and demanded she wanted to go to school just like her older sister Tanvi. She could hold the pencil well and write her name in reverse order (Genius!). Her grandfather was very impressed and declared that she was ready for play school.

Poorvi all of two years, New born Poorvi with sister Tanvi, parents Bheela & Sudhir and sister, with grandfather Manohar Lal and sister. And always ready to study and go to school!!

So there! This little Chimp is admitted to a nearby baby school, and our very enthusiastic Poorvi was always up, dressed and ready for school, well before time!

The routine in the household was, as soon as Bheela came back home from office, both sisters Tanvi and Poorvi would eagerly tell her all about their day at school together. Bheela could hardly figure out anything as both shouted simultaneously.

One day, Poorvi pulled her sister Tanvi away and said ‘Notyrtonn — notyrtonn -notyrtonn!!’

Tanvi and Bheela were both surprised and amazed to hear a full English phrase, a little later they deciphered and understood that she is saying ‘Not your Turn!!’

Bheela narrated the incident to Poorvi’s teacher who was also their neighbour, and the teacher burst out laughing…

The teacher laughingly explained that at school they are asked to perform a dance or song and every time a child started, Poorvi would join the kid at the stage and start dancing and singing. The teacher had to tell her, ‘Not your turn’ every time!! And this is where she picked up the phrase.

Aww my clever little girl!

Bheela thoroughly enjoyed narrating this funny story!!

L to R :Poorvi with her friend Sonam, with her American friends Katrina & Kanchi Masi, with Anthea, with Rishabh & his Dadi Prakash Devi, Bottom: with Christina, Nununi, Aisha, with Sabah, with Mami Dimple & I , with Rishabh, Manasi & Avneet

On her birthday, as always, we thank God to bring Poorvi to our lives and wish her a happy life ahead!

Coming back to the present day….The downside today is Poorvi sits for hours on end at her job. I have to knock at the doors to remind her of lunch time and to stretch her legs. This kid is such an entertainer! She will come out of her room and do a pirouette, a little jig and announce, “Ta Da I am here”, and after a few minutes go right back to her desk, till the next reminder!!!

What is missing in the link for which I nag her (at last I can get into the mother-in-law role!) Poorvi does not have enough “me or we” time. I am teaching her time management, and she is getting there!

In one line? Poorvi has brought a lot of sunshine and dazzle to our home. Love you Poorvi!!

Love you both to the Moon and back!