Im bleeding away too much focus

Im bleeding away too much focus

Yes bro. Im not im bleeding away too much focus (foc-hoose). Read it like a Spanish person. Its sexier. It always feels like it’s easy to lock-in when I go on walks. Every single walk that I go on it feels as though I could change the world. For some reason. And then I get back home and feel so ordinary. Man. I dont know. But, I really can’t continue this way. Something has to happen. no. I have to make something happen. Yea that’s it. I should do more of this. It’s obvious that I can’t write to save my life. You can see how amateurish this is. I dont even know if im breaking any rules. There’s definitely rules to this stuff right? Im gonna try and keep doing this every week for a whole year and see where that gets me. Im always setting challenges like this for myself every other minute. They die in the second week, a lot of these things. And that’s exactly what im worried about. I feel like a god this minute and then in the next I feel nothing. You can’t feel like odysseus all the time but how the hell do you navigate these things? That’s what I should figure out I believe.

I just saw a YouTube video that says one should write more and that exactly what im trying to do. Im not sure if I have any imagination so for now im just writing about the ordinary things. And really, the way I feel right now I feel that I might go hard with this and be consistent with it. But the thing is, I’ve felt this same way about a whole number of things. Ive felt this way with film. (I LOVE MOVIES). Its that sort of thing where you consume certain type of media books, movies etc and the writer or the filmmaker makes it look so simple you’re convinced you could make your own movies too. Godard’s breathless made me feel that way. Bukowski also. With his novels. A blank piece of paper in front of you and you realize you’re retarded. Ive felt that way a million times. I am very retarded. For real. But I hope that I might get better at these things. soMEDAY

I had some semo and egusi soup to go with it. Maybe that was what gave me the energy and inspiration to start writing all of this. Haha. You see what im saying?? My cursor blinked like 40 times before I could type in these new lines. It’s hard bro. And it doesnt even feel like I’ve written about anything. Those profound essays. How do they do it. How is your reasoning so damn goated. Damn. Damn bro

I just looked at my title and at this point what is this about. What might be a good title to something like this. What are you doing. What is this? What’s your end goal. What are your aims and objectives. You have typed in all these combinations of letters and symbols and have successfully come up with a load of bull. No no I shouldn’t do this to myself. They tell you all the time you shouldn’t try to bring yourself down, there’s a lot of people wiling to do that for you but wallahi im just really self aware.

I think is this a masterpiece. Im excited.

Have a good Sunday.

See you next week.