Fan, Stan

📮 [Before You Read]

This poem is a dark homage to Eminem’s legendary track, “Stan.” It captures the metallic scent of affection turning into toxic resentment. Picture a person driving in the rain, recording a final, bitter message to someone who never replied. They insist, “I am a fan, not a Stan,” but their actions tell a different story.

Coldly cooled breath

Your photo makes me

Write words in the morning rain, and ha,

Pessimism, a poem

That recorded the unknown you

I keep writing, and even as

A cup of tea goes cold

I send it, and wait.

Still no reply,

Your footsteps.

To Mr. F*cking busy,

Being ignored for months, I am

So dumbfounded, I spit

And while driving I record this.

I’m a fan, not a Stan.

You, who made me, a fan, grow cold.

Tearing your photo, I hope

You have nightmares and fail.

May your conscience in the west

Be devoured, just scream.

Let’s finish this, and see you under

The ash-gray sky.

A fan, not a Stan,

Me, whom you threw away.

✍️ [Original Text]

<팬, 스탠>

차게 식은 숨소리

당신의 사진은 나

아침 비는 글자를

쓰게 해주고서 하

염세주의, 무명의

당신을 기록한 시

계속 써나가고 차

한 잔이 식어가도

보내고서, 기다림

여전히 답장은 없

는 당신의 발걸음

그렇게나 바쁜 씨

발씨에게 몇 개월

무시당한 나도 참

어이없어 침을 뱉

고 운전을 하면서

이 녹음을 기록해

스탠이 아닌 팬인

나를 식게한 당신

사진도 찢고서 너

꿈이나 꾸고 망해

서쪽에 있는 양심

먹히고 절규나 해

그만 끝내고 잿빛

하늘 아래에서 봐

스탠이 아닌 팬인

당신이 버렸던 나

📝 [Author’s Note]

The most crucial element of the original Korean text is its intentional enjambment (breaking lines in the middle of words).

For example, I split words across lines like:

• “답장은 없 / 는” (Still no rep / ly)
• “바쁜 씨 / 발씨에게” (To Mr. F*ck / ing busy)
• “침을 뱉 / 고” (I sp / it)

This broken structure visually and rhythmically represents the narrator’s unstable state of mind, erratic breathing, and the jagged flow of consciousness while driving and recording the message. It is the raw record of a mind breaking down.