Chapter 33: Disaster Strikes

Photo by Danny De Vylder on Unsplash

My car’s brakes went out.

Thankfully, I was pulling into a Taco Bell after my lunch Door-dashing shift. As I pulled into the parking spot, I heard a crack and my brake pedal went to the floor. My heart immediately sank. I went inside to get some lunch and formulate a plan.

I had $70 to my name. I needed a tow truck. I then needed to get my car to a mechanic. But it’s Memorial Day weekend. Nothing would be open until Tuesday. So, I essentially am grounded until then.

I managed to get a tow back to the Walmart parking lot I stay in for $100, thanks to a referral from my brother. The same tow truck driver said he’d come pick me up Tuesday morning to get me to the mechanic first thing in the morning. Which would be ideal, as I will need to get a shower and my laundry done.

What makes matters worse is that the Critical Role show I’ve literally waited over a year for, is on Tuesday night. This could not have come at a worse time. It always seems that any time I plan on doing something cool, something happens that prevents me from doing it. This is a big reason why I never plan any special events. I always get denied and disappointed.

Hopefully, the mechanic can fix my car in time for me to drive to Atlanta. But, what matters more is that my brother sent me money to get my car towed and is footing the bill for my brakes. This man has to be sick of spending money on me. I know he is, as much as he tries to hide it. I literally would not be alive if it wasn’t for him, but me being alive is costing him greatly.

I hate not being able to get my shit together enough to not rely on him so much. I can hold shit together for a while, but if one thing goes wrong, everything crumbles. I have no other way I know how to live. Being autistic has certainly contributed to my problems, but as much as I try to work with it, it always seems to beat me. And my brother, while he says he tries to understand, can’t wrap his head around the idea that my brain works differently. I am so grateful for them, but he can’t truly get my experience without sharing in it.

My only option is to grind and start earning more money so I can pay him back and have money to put aside for emergencies. But I struggle with saving money and controlling my impulses. I’m going to have to fight myself no matter what so I can stop relying on my brother. It’s not fair. He, nor his family, asked for a needy autistic brother. But that’s me. And I don’t like it.