Codependence and the Power of Detachment

Brief notes from the book by Karen Casey…

[embed]CODEPENDENCE AND THE POWER OF DETACHMENT: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own … Many people put other's thoughts and opinions on a pedestal and, in doing so, neglect their own emotions. This line of…www.hamiltonbook.com

https://www.amazon.com/Codependence-Power-Detachment-Karen-Casey

I picked up this small book the other day and finished reading it recently. I read a lot of books about psychology self-help, because I know that I myself, and most people, tend to get into situations in their lives that are restrictive and abusive just by trying to be easy going and not cause conflict (whether that’s with family, friends, coworkers or strangers that try to impose their views on you).

Knowledge is power. The more you realize you are being manipulated by your culture, the more you can do to liberate yourself from it.

This book focuses on recovering alcoholics and how they gradually transformed their lives through the AA and Al-Anon meetings and teachings. But it has good general advice for learning about codependent situations you might find yourself in.

Here are some key points I picked up from the book:

1. When you are being pressured to react, conform, acquiesce to something that doesn’t seem quite right to you…

Know that nothing must be handled immediately. This illusion of urgency is often fostered on people to manipulate them into doing things, and making decisions they are uncomfortable with. In fact, the best way to handle almost every instance is to wait awhile, meditate on it, seek a level of inner quiet and calm, and trust what comes to you from a place of knowing.

Your intuition is probably telling you something that urgency tends to drown out.

2. If you find yourself in a situation where you have a fear of expressing yourself, realize that this is normal.

Do it anyway. You are fundamentally okay without needing someone else’s input to validate you.

This is where detachment comes in. Detachment is often viewed as a negative trait (cold, uncaring, calculating) — but that’s usually promoted by someone who is trying to manipulate you. Detachment will allow you to express & embrace your true self..

Detachment brings up the latent excitement you have when you feel you can really be yourself, and go where you want, do what you want with your life.

The key point here with codependency is that when you are attached to the attitudes of partners, friends, bosses…your choices will always seem limited. You will feel imprisoned by their thinking and their need to control you. Detachment helps you step back from this and decide if you want to be under this control.

3. Happiness is a byproduct of the way we live our own lives.

Happiness does not come from trying to conform to what everyone else wants from you, or trying to live your life the way they say you should. This is codependency.

4. This is a follow up to #3: A mind obsessively filled with the actions of others, whether those actions are considered good or bad, is never going to be peaceful.

We are cultured to get along with everyone. Some cultures are much more stringent with this philosophy than that of the U.S. (Japan and Germany, & Denmark for example — where there is a strong undercurrent of the “right way” and the “wrong way”…).

Anywhere conformity is strongly encouraged, individuality, the real self, is repressed. This is essentially the philosophy or ideology of all right wing thinking — exclusivity, whereas left wing thinking focuses on inclusivity.

If you are looking for entertainment that deals with codependency and alcoholism, an enjoyable (and in some ways) instructive show to watch is Loudermilk starring Ron Livingston:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5957766/

So the necessary step to freeing yourself from codependent states is to stop caring what other people think — about you — or about anything..

Easier said than done. Its a spectrum you move along.

Pick up the book if you are curious. Its full of many stories of people going through the process of freeing themselves from abusive and manipulative relationships, and it might help you to do the same. Alcoholism tends to be one of those arenas rampant with abuse, but its not the only one. Most of us face it every day in our jobs, our families…

Codependent relationships are everywhere. When you start to see them for what they are, you are on the path to liberating yourself to be who you are.