Stop Using PMS as an Excuse for Our Reaction to Your Gaslighting

Simple tips anyone can use.

Photo by Polina Zimmerman from Pexels

It’s not the first time I hear from a man that I’m acting differently when around my period. And, it’s no surprise that each time it makes me angry to my core because while he’s probably right to some extent, yet anyone should refrain from using this as a petty excuse for justifying our normal reaction to their bad behaviour.

But, let’s better take an example because it’s always easier to understand by putting abstract things into context.

So, Eva here was having a bad day. She slept poorly to wake up too early to a needy-three-old sweet little boy who was hungry. In the meantime, her dear husband slept in because it was the weekend, and he could use the rest. Eva had a backache for days because she didn’t take any personal time to recharge. She was busy juggling work, side-hustle and a temporary project on top of her domestic responsibilities as a mother and wife. Things like workouts or recreational time were not fitting in her busy schedule lately.

She was running on empty, and now she was also getting closer to her period. You know the drill, back pain, headaches, unrestful sleep, bad mood, bloating and an overall puffy feeling.

Eva was fair enough to inform her husband that she was not at 100% that day and kindly asked him to give her a break from criticism or unnecessary comments.

Her husband didn’t seem to care. Later that day, they had a pretty big fight, and she smacked his head with a lego toy, leaving with their son to check-in at a hotel.

Eva returned home several hours away from her son’s request and decided to clarify the issue. Of course, there was gaslighting and crying and everything in between involved. Eva wanted once again to flee, but you don’t fix things by running away. So, she decided to stay and work on the issue.

The problem when you run on an empty barrel is that you can barely find your internal resources to help you contain your emotions, so it’s unlikely you act like an adult in such circumstances.

Eva’s husband once again blamed their fight on Eva’s pre-menstrual syndrome. He refused to take responsibility for his sh*t behaviour and told her that the reason for which they fought was Eva’s hormones.

Whoa, whoa, whoa — hold on a second, Mister, Eva here. She has some to tell you.

Don’t use our pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS) as an excuse for your sh*t behaviour. Our “overreaction” is a low tolerance level for stuff that we usually manage to overlook because we are physically in shape for dealing with it. However, it doesn’t mean that our reaction is not entitled to the situation.

It’s you who usually benefits from the adult behaviour of a person that can apply filters and react civilly even if the situation would impose going crazy. If we happen to lose that filter when we’re experiencing physical and mental discomfort due to hormones, don’t blame it on us. It’s your behaviour triggering this reaction.

Women go through hormonal changes during the month. It’s a fact. But don’t hold the hormones against them because expect us to act all the time maturely. When you receive anything less than that, you automatically turn your eyes on us, instead of taking a good look at yourselves, asking what have you done wrong.

Here are some tips from Eva:

• Stop blaming PMS when you’re not getting away with your behaviour
• Stop gaslighting us when you’ve been nicely asked to give us a break
• Act empathetically — you care about a hurt dog, so you probably give at least the same degree of care to your partner
• If you can’t say anything nice, keep it.

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