A Stanley-Sized World Cup Trophy

WORTH IT IN THE END

A Stanley-Sized World Cup Trophy

Big moments call for a big chalice

No celebration is over the top. Photo by Cristian Tarzi on Unsplash

For the most popular sport in the world, the tournament’s prize seems pretty small. Neymar should be embarrassed that something so tiny motivates him to constantly roll on the field. My middle school piano trophies look more impressive than that. And they were merely participation awards!

Furthermore, why even call it a cup if it doesn’t have the bowl-shaped top to hold liquids?

The NHL’s 35-pound Lord Stanley is what sports fans and pro-athletes would be proud to call a cup. Players take sips from it all the time.

Maintaining the shape of the Stanley Cup, the FIFA World Cup trophy should be crafted out of ice. Nothing says ‘staying hydrated’ like players touching frozen water.

Modern hydration breaks have shown that players become dehydrated very quickly, despite them often playing in temperate venues that are nowhere near scorching. Obviously those breaks aren’t a result of a corrupt human hierarchy maximizing ad space and revenue.

They take turns lifting the ice trophy like how NHL players individually savor the Stanley Cup. When the ice trophy begins melting, it soaks the grass underneath and eventually causes the player holding it to slip and fall.

The referee comes out to issue a yellow card for diving. This particular player already received one earlier for taking his shirt off while celebrating a goal. Now booked a second time, he is ejected. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the favoritism of being on the host nation either to be able to delay the single-game ban.

Not that it matters anyways because it would be a meaningless match compared to the one he just won. He can afford to sit out for his domestic club.