Man Who Survives Solely on ‘Suya’ and ‘Fanta’ Declared Nigeria’s Newest Mineral Resource

Source: gbh007 from Deposit Photos

KANO — Local authorities were stunned when a geological survey mistakenly identified 45-year-old Mallam Usman as a newly discovered mineral deposit. After it was revealed he has consumed nothing but suya and Fanta for the last 15 years, his body has developed a unique chemical composition. “He is a walking, talking testament to resilience and acidic digestion,” a confused official stated. “We are considering exporting his diet plan.”