Tuesday, August 5, 1997

The day my grandmother died.

*NOTE: This entry is taken directly from my journal on the day my grandmother died.

Tuesday, August 5, 1997

I was awakened at 6 a.m. by a call from my aunt J. telling me that Mom-Mom had died in the night. Even though we knew it was coming, it’s still a shock. I had planned to go see her today and drop off her church newsletter. I’m glad I saw her three weeks ago when I was in for that interview. I’m so glad I visited her then. I know she’s better off now, in a much better place, and no longer suffering from that horrible confusion and disabling diabetes. It’s hard, because Mom is still away on her cruise, until Friday. I don’t want to call her and tell her, because of how she sounded when I talked to her last night (anxious) and also because I want her to have a good time. J&P will be down to the funeral home at 10 a.m. and I told them to stop by the house. Our pastor called and offered to come sit with me, since Mom is not here. That was nice of her, but I’d rather just wait for J&P.

After I hung up from J.’s call, I cried. I couldn’t help it, plus not having Mom here to talk about it with was hard too. I took my meds early and I feel a bit calmer and clearer-headed now. J&P have to collect Mom-Mom’s things from her room. At least her funeral was pre-planned and paid for, so that should make it a bit easier. With all the resentment I once felt towards her, for contributing to T.’s death and not making Dad’s life easy, it’s all gone away now. I know a lot of the way she was stemmed from how she was raised. It was the only way she knew how to deal with feelings, by not showing them, by keeping it all in. I’m vowing right now not to be like that, and I think I’m already on the right track. God bless you, Mom-Mom, I know you’re with J., D., and T. now, plus your parents, and I really do believe you’re happy now.

I went with J&P to the funeral home that day, and it’s a good thing I did. When the undertaker was asking for information for her obituary, they didn’t know her real middle name, just her maiden name. I was able to supply that, as well as her place of birth. It struck me that her own daughter didn’t know her mother’s real middle name, or the Tennessee town she was born in! I guess Mom-Mom did tell me some things that she didn’t share with others. Her funeral was held Saturday, August 9 (the day after my mom returned from the cruise — I remember she told me, “I wish J&P had just gone ahead with the funeral while I was gone,” but I don’t think she really meant that.)

If you’ve gotten this far in my blog, thank you so much for sticking with me during the recounting of almost 40 years of my grandmother’s life, from 1958 to her death in 1997. I appreciate each and every one of you who have read, commented, clapped, and supported me through this sometimes difficult endeavor. I hope to be back with another blog soon; I’m currently kicking around a few ideas in my head. Once again, thanks for reading!

Photo by Rhodi Lopez on Unsplash