Let’s Watch: Batman (1966)

Dehydrated henchmen…at Menards!

*Every week, the While Rome Burns crew gathers ‘round to watch a film of questionable content and give their two cents as it unfolds. This is a collection of the best pennies from those sessions for you.*

eGirl and Podcaster Boyfriend.

The Film We Watched:

“It’s a low neighborhood, full of rumpots. They’re used to curious sights, which they attribute to alcoholic delusions.”

Henry’s pick has been delayed so Heather could defer her next pick to her father, Gordo. Honestly, in hindsight, he blessed us with this one.

What They Say This Movie Is About:

The Dynamic Duo faces four super-villains who plan to hold the world for ransom with the help of a secret invention that instantly dehydrates people.

What This Movie Is Actually About:

Batman and Robin solve crime in the sunny hills (and waters) of California with a level of chaos and candor that was taken for granted by the fandom for far too long. Oh, and plenty of Dutch Angles, too.

“Just take a left past the bed with the giant rack.” — Luke

Why This Movie Is Actually Good:

1966’s Batman movie (and its TV series) are marvelously campy. It’s clear that everyone involved had a lot of fun. For a time, there was a strong desire for a darker, grittier Batman as a result of this show and its movie, and plenty of filmmakers and showrunners stepped up to provide that many times over. This iteration of Batman can and should be celebrated by every fan for being so earnest in its silliness.

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Plot Points By Point, With The Gang:

Our film begins with the Dynamic Duo commandeering the Bat-Copter. Why does he have a Bat-Copter? That’s not important. What’s important is that Commodore Schmidlapp is the owner of a distillery in Gotham and he’s in trouble on his yacht, so who else but Batman and Robin to save this rich business owner.

Remember when Obama just raised his Starbucks latte at Batman!?

As Batman descends down his Bat-Ladder to Bat-Land on the Not-Bat-Yacht, the yacht…disappears? As if it was never there? And there’s a shark instead, taking a big ol’ bite out of Batman. Robin tosses him his trusty can of shark repellent — oh my bad, I mean Bat-Shark-Repellant, and not only does the shark let go, when it hits the water it explodes.

Bat-Crotch.

Back at Commissioner Gordon’s office, Batman and Robin figure out that the tip they received to rescue the Commodore was actually a setup by the Joker, The Penguin, The Riddler, and Catwoman.

“All Bat-Lives Matter!” — Gordo

How did they figure it out? They said random words out loud that seemingly felt connected, and then asked the computer which criminals aren’t in prison right now. Seriously.

Like watching a Max Velocity forecast video from three months ago.

As it turns out, this fearsome foursome has a dehydrator that can turn human beings into dust, and they’re cruising around below sea level in a pre-atomic submarine, retro-fitted to look like a Penguin, flippers and all.

Henry with the deep cut to an early watch-along of Scooby-Doo: WrestleMania Mystery.

Meanwhile, Batman and Robin learn that the yacht was never real and just a holographic projection, so they head back to the scene of the shark-splosion to look for clues. They’re rewarded as they find a buoy that’s hiding a projector on it, but also, a giant magnet! Batman and Robin are caught by this magnet and the Joker/Penguin/Riddler/Catwoman Submarine crew fire torpedoes at the buoy.

The Bat-Brain-Cell, everybody!

Batman and Robin manage to use radio-based detonators to asplode two of the torpedoes, and a dolphin, I shit you not, leaps up in front of the final torpedo and gives up its life for Batman and Robin. Wild. Absolutely wild. Later, Catwoman disguises herself as a Soviet reporter named Kitka, all to get Bruce Wayne kidnapped (along with herself) as bait for Batman so the Penguin can blow Batman up with another explosive animal (you know, like the splodey shark from earlier).

“Yes. Just like that, Mister Boy Wonder. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be in my office filing…papers.”

This whole movie is like this. Just one wild setup after another. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that Batman manages to find the headquarters of the villains, only to find a comically large smoking bomb just sitting there, waiting to blow up. So Batman proceeds to run all up and down a nearby pier, trying to find anywhere he can get rid of the bomb safely, just scaring the hell out of everyone he runs past.

The Male Loneliness Epidemic claims its first victim.

Anyway, remember the dehydrator I mentioned? The four villains dehydrate some henchmen, and also end up kidnapping the United Nations Security Council (well, the Bat-universe equivalent, anyway) and dehydrate them. So Batman and Robin plan to confront the villains, save the council, and oh yeah, Batman thinks Kitka is still captive as well.

Who wouldn’t want a Soviet lady making you hot cocoa or whatever

Will they save the council? Will Batman realize this Kitka is not only Catwoman, but neither Julie Newmar or Eartha Kitt? And how do you rehydrate a person anyway, is it like rehydrating a pizza? You’ll have to watch to find out.

Batman is now in court for his actions on January 6th.

Should You Watch This Film?

Oh gosh, absolutely. If you’re a fan of Batman, you should watch this for sure and just marvel at what this iteration of Batman presents to the viewer. If you’re not a fan of Batman, you can also find joy and fun in the campiness. It’s universal.

Absolutely not. And he’s a damn good actor.

Amber is Catwoman, Felix is Joker, Will is Riddler, and Matt is the Penguin. Virgil Texas was the dolphin that blew up offscreen earlier. Or dehydrated. Either way, irrelevant and forgotten (IFKYK).

Best Out Of Context Riff Of The Night:

Honestly there were so many good zingers that I gave up and decided we have a three-way Bat-Tie! Here they are: