How to notice a personality upgrade

i just did it !

I have my exam, and not just any exam — a final exam — in a few hours from this exact moment, and I’m not studying at all for now. I knew I had my exam for a while, but I intentionally didn’t study for it, and my heart feels okay.

Instead, over the past few days, what I’ve been doing is just being happy. So how did I come to this conclusion of not caring about my exams at all and just being fine?

This exam isn’t going to mean anything to me 5 years from now. It’s all pointless. I won’t apply it anywhere in my life, actually. To be honest, what I would have usually done after getting the exam notice is immediately panic and get started, spend the whole night studying, and completely destroy my mental health just to get some mediocre marks again. It’s not like I’m going to get full marks by studying for only two days.

And the main point is, after I’m done with the exam, I won’t have anything to do with the information myself. All the worry and stress are just for a short time, and after the exam I would start feeling the results of those messed-up two days where I didn’t sleep, didn’t eat properly, and just stressed. Five years from now, the marks wouldn’t matter, but my health would.

And the best part is that I’m feeling okay about it all. I’m not panicking, and there’s a serenity in my heart, and it all feels okay.

I’m kind of happy that I got to be this person and that I made this decision because it shows that my personality has upgraded, so I felt like writing about it.