ME and MR SMIRNOFF: a black pulp flash fiction joint about Drinking and Dranking by DuVay Knox

ME n MR SMIRNOFF

a black pulp flash fiction joint about Drinking and Dranking

I THREW UP on mah $200 Shoes….

U kno dem kinda shoes NIGGAZ wear when they go to they MAMA FUNERAL or chase BITCHES at da LIKKER STO dat will Rejeck em.

See, I caint hold mah LIKKER altho I try cuz I B drankin to forgit.

The problem is I still memba da shit hours lata or da next day or da next day — or hours lata.

Whichever cums first….

Mah Daddy useta kall it his medisin–except it killed him. Like most Medisin does.

Cuz its neva da DISEASE.

Its always da MEDISIN.

Yeah I kalled EARL n RALPH (and a bunch of otha names Ion memba) — and fucked up mah STACY ADAMS — wit da smoove pattern on em. Dat I paid good money for.

I was going thru sumpen at da time.

—

It all started when I got bak one late morning last monf/frum running dem streets — n hit dat OIL on an empty stomack as I normally do but should not do.

Butt dats da thang bout me….

I B knowing BETTER butt caint DO Betta.

I had gotten up n did mah shit/shower & shave/feelme — and shitted agin jes 2 B sho.

Had mah Bowels clean n immaculate/knowhatimtombout??

—

Made mah way out da door to da Barbershop/U kno.

I like mah PATE clean–and Ion even kno what PATE means.

And as usual Niggaz were up in dere Arguing bout da most pressing shit on dey mind:

NIGGA #1: Man, how U gone say ERIC CLAPTON is betta den JIMI HENDRIX wit Yo Lite-Skinted ass?!

NIGGA #2: Da Truth Hurts dont it??

NIGGA #1: Da only reason U sayin dat is cuz U got a White Daddy.

NIGGA #2: Yeah, So what? I mite have a White Daddy. Butt memba I got a Black Mama. Imma MULATTO.

NIGGA #1: Nigga, U mean GELATO. Fuck outta heah! U aint special cuz Yo Daddy white. Ol confused muthafucka. Sounding like a DRANK frum STARBUCKS wit yo Mulatto ass!!

Deez Niggaz was always arguing in daBARBERSHOP.

And aint care HOO was in da muthafucka.

Dey aint have no gentlemanly manners.

If U was in da Barbershop dey jes figgered u in dere to hear da shit too.

If dere was Wommin (chillrens too) dey would still go hard on bitches n hoes all day long.

— Even if COPS!! …. was in dere dey would be tombout how da Cops is COONS n TRAITORS like a muthafucka.

— Even if a Minister came up in dere dey go even HARDER n jes fuck GOD name alla way up!! Would say he aint have no WIFE “or” MAMA so how da fuck he gone make rules bout what a Nigga could or could NOT do??!!

— One time a Catholic Priest came in dere and dey ran his ass up OUTTA dere tombout PEDOPHILES–and tole him to take MICHAEL JACKSON n DA POPE ass wit him!!!!

—

Mah next stop was da Old Man Harolds Likker Sto/offa 39th street/to get me a FIFTH of SMIRNOFF — wich I started dranking rite away. Even doe it was befo NOON n shit.

I hadnt ate yet.

So I knew betta — except I didnt.

Shit Burned going down.

In otha werds it was gooder den a muthafucka.

OLD MAN HAROLD: U kno 2moro JULY 4th. U gone celebrate it??

ME: Yeah — by dranking dis FIFTH.

OLD MAN HAROLD: Sho U Rite. Anythang else??

ME: Yeah — gimme sum dem BLACK & MILDS.

OLD MAN HAROLD: Memba — smoking causes CANCER.

ME: And having no FUN causes DEATH. Cum on Harold do me rite. U take EBT?? (laffs)….

Old Man Harold jes laffed at mah Joke. He was Good Peeples. Dat was earlier dis year. He up n DIED out da blue a few months ago.

Butt I had mah SMIRNOFF. It cost me a lil bit mo than I wanted — and dat cuz of TRUMP shit.

Fucking round wit da RUSSIANS n IRAN/closing da god-dam HOMUZ STRATE…done drove da Price up!!

Butt hell I gotta have MR SMIRNOFF VODKA. Dats da only Russian I speek. Besides BLACK RUSSIAN.

—

Anyway — I got home Still hadnt ate nuthing n started drankin hard.

And dressed Sharp as a razorblade in tears.

Three hours lata dat DIARRHEA of da MOUT hit me — n I got sick as hell/suffered like a 3-Legged Dawg.

Most of it went on mah $200 Shoes.

And how was Yo Day — Mah Nigga??

— end —

Peep the heartache in this joint….mane!!

[embed]SUITCASE And A CIGARETTE a black pulp fiction relationship joint about love and lossmedium.com

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Sidenote: Click the below Links to Find more of my writing in the Black Pulp Fiction Universe in my Novels….

**The Pussy Detective | Universal Book Links Help You Find Books at Your Favorite Store!**

**The Soul Gitter: The Life of Death as Told by Dat Nigga Death | Universal Book Links Help You Find Books at Your Favorite Store!**