Don’t wait for a near-death wake-up call

Have you picked the right one?

Okay, my family has this Sunday ritual: we watch a film together, and last Sunday’s pick is the reason why this piece exists!

I will keep it short. Two families share a vacation space. Two dads equally chaotic get lost in the forest.

They return soaked, shaken, and suddenly sentimental. They wish they had spent more time with their family. Cute.

But why do we wait for near-death wake-up calls?

Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

The Regret that shows us Anyway:

Most people on their deathbeds whisper:

“I should’ve lived differently.”

But “living fully”? That’s personal.

If Joy looks different for each of us, why do regrets feel universal?

Simple. Regret doesn’t vanish when you commit to something. It shows up anyway.

The real question is:

Can we choose the kind of regret we’re willing to live with?

Take me, for example.

Forget about a deathbed drama— I feel the sting now. It shows up like a slow poison. Unpredictable. Quiet. Uninvited.

And I’m not even halfway through life yet!

So, what steers us towards the wrong regrets?

The Cycles We Keep Feeding

Judgment: Not just from others. From ourselves, too. The kind we participate in. The kind we sling around casually, masked as humor, concern, or “standards.”

Gossip: Hurts when it’s about you. Tastes like power when you’re the one serving it.

Bullying. No, you don’t have to be Yeon-jin from The Glory to be a bully. Mocking, isolating, name-calling — You name it.

Dark humor that punches down.

Jokes that reveal pain without owning it.

You don’t feel safe in your friend group, but you still mock someone else for not having friends.

We know it hurts. So why do we keep passing it on?

“Be Strong to Survive” Is Overrated

What if strength were kindness instead? Imagine raising kids for connection rather than conflict.

So, yes, Judgment isn’t harmless. The line between casual judgment and real harm is thinner than we think.

I still remember the news. A mother’s child nearly fell off a balcony — saved, thankfully by a stranger.

But the internet didn’t forgive her. By the next day, she was gone. She died by suicide. Because people couldn’t keep their opinions to themselves.

We pretend harsh words are just opinions. But opinions can kill, too.

So what do we do?

• Keep your standards — just don’t weaponize them.
• Use tough love when it’s medicine, not habit.
• Don’t swing until you’ve looked at your own cracks.
• Work hard, or don’t.
• Go somewhere you’ve been putting off for years, even if it’s just the park across town.
• Call your people.
• Stop pretending superiority is a personality.

And most of all: Be kind.

Not in the “Pinterest quote” kind of way. In the “don’t laugh when your friend says something weird” kind of way.

Choose Your Regrets with Intention

Live. Unapologetically. Imperfectly. Gently.

If you’re not hurting people on purpose, you’re doing okay.

When you stop judging behind backs, you make space for others, and they might just return the favor.

So when regret shows up (and it will), let it find you kind, not cruel. Let it find you clear-eyed, not ashamed.

P.S. (Well, Criminals and cheaters? Still out of the guest list. Just saying.)