KOM Berlin, a hill-climbing story

It was muddy! And as the rain fell, it got muddier! Credit: Drew Kaplan

On 26th September 2020, we saw the first edition of KOM Berlin, a hill-climbing challenge held atop Berlin’s highest pile of rubble. But our story starts about an hour before, in front of a petrol station on Berliner Straße…

Having pulled over due to a flat tyre, I am now watching an old lady ‘bless’ my bike before turning to me and waving her mystical fingers across my forehead. This was an unexpected turn of events and sadly it did not seem to cure my deflated predicament. Maybe it will be one of those gradual miracles that takes a while to fully come to fruition?

The tubeless sealant had done its job and stopped the piece of glass stuck in my tyre from letting “all” the air out. I squeezed in a bit more air with my smallest of pumps and went gingerly on my way. With 1km to go, I get worried about going ‘completely flat’ and try the smallest of small pumps again, with the opposite outcome occurring. Fuck this, I’ll walk. I’m going to miss the start anyway.

As someone who is nearly always prepared for such occurrences, I arrive swiftly to the start with my tail between my legs. “My kingdom for a track pump!” A fine gentleman at a workstation swiftly sets about plugging the hole and pumping my tyre back to glory. I am more than thankful, and I am utterly delighted the start has been delayed. Oh, and the weather isn’t too bad either! I catch the end of the 1 hour race, execute a banana and stuff my pockets with gels and a bar. Am I ready? I guess so….

Left: Not a day for white helmets. Right: This part of the final descent became very tricky as the hours wore on. Credit: Drew Kaplan

Off we go. Neutralised start. Take it easy. Learn the route. Steady Eddy. At this point, I am not 100% sure if I will ride for 3 hours or the full 6 like I had originally intended. The weather when I registered was the opposite to the weather I now found myself in. Nevertheless, I figured it made sense to pace myself.

Whilst I’m casually pootling up and down this mountain of dust; let’s take a minute to talk about what KOM Berlin is: Simply put, it’s a race to see how much elevation you can gain in either 3 or 6 hours, either alone or in a team. Bregan AKA Crank Communications is renowned for putting on fun events and this was to be no exception.

Back to the race — we’re onto the first lap and I am watching people flying off up the hill at the speed of light. My instincts would be to follow suit but the head prevails and I decide to just hold the long climb at around 300w — it’s a long ride. Ahead the gravelista’s are charging along as well as the familiar faces of former pros Steffen Weigold (Rapha RCC) and Henning Bommel (Silberling Cafe). Oh, and a dude in a fucking handbike!!! (Mad respect to Robert Kühn). Of course, I expect to be obliterated by those guys but everyone else is also keeping pace… I feel very slow.

It’s either a snail or a bird firing lazers from its eyes.

After 2 laps I decide on my first pit stop — to get rid of my glasses which are so covered in rain that I can barely see anything. I see Stephan who’s like “what are you doing? Haha”…. “I can’t see shit”, I shout back. We fist bump and I head back on my merry way. This was the best decision I could have made — because the rain and wind only got worse as the clock ticked on.

After an hour has passed, it feels like the hill has been abandoned. Did I miss something? Were we told to evacuate? I quickly figured out that 90% of those who were hammering it must have bailed after an hour. Maybe I wasn’t so slow after all. It’s now very eerie with most of the riders gone but it’s a lot easier to pick and keep your preferred lines.

Into the second hour and the weather really starts to deteriorate. I feel like I’m going to be blown off the side of the hill; flags and barriers are blown over; puddles begin to resemble bomb craters; ruts form on ruts; and brakes become less effective. In some ways I start to feel a bitter faster — maybe because I am now spending more time overtaking overs than the other way around. Despite the miserable conditions, I’m not cold or wet or unhappy. This is great.

Wind and mud were the name of the game. Credit: Drew Kaplan

The final hour is much like the one before, except for the fact that mentally you can finally start to count down rather than up. The descent by this point had become really rutty and it was not possible for mere mortals like myself to take it at quite the same speed as before. I stayed upright and slid around like you would in a CX race. I am able to spare a few fleeting words for my fellow riders… usually along the lines of “I’m tired”. Not enlightening but relatable at the very least. Everyone is in it together. I check my Wahoo… time for one more lap if I am quick….

I just squeeze in the final lap and I am done. I’m sad to not be continuing but have zero regrets at the same time. I stumble around aimlessly for a while like a pillhead leaving The Sanctuary at six in the morning; blank eyes staring through the huddled crowds. I order a beer and sausage legs lying on a bread chaise longue. In seconds it is gone and I order it all over again. It doesn’t really touch the sides but I need it. Now I’m cold. I would love to stay longer and watch the Rapha team finish their team-everesting effort but I know I have a 20km ride home to contend with. I whack on my down jacket and off I go into the night — dodging the killer waves as the cars come screaming past. It takes a long time to warm up in the shower as the lukewarm water scolds my frozen toes. I’d dreamt of this moment.

Unofficially, I finished 5th in the 3 hour competition. Or maybe I didn’t. I hadn’t had time to change which competition I was in before the start, but I did 17 complete laps in under 3 hours and stopped there and then. But my final place doesn’t really matter. My Wahoo Roam says I climbed 1,533m in elevation — a few metres short of the Col de la Croix de Fer or a few more than the Col de la Madeleine. So who needs the Alps for an epic day’s climbing? For a few very wet hours — we had our own mountain, right here in Berlin.

What was my kit?

• Canyon Inflite CF SLX 9 + Quarq AXS powermeter
• Rapha Pro Team Lightweight Shadow jacket
• Rapha Pro Team Thermal bib shorts II
• Rapha Cross jersey and socks
• Rapha Pro Team base layer
• Rapha Explore shoes
• Wahoo HRM & Roam bike computer