I Keep Losing Things and People

Some messy glimpses from my messy life

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I’ve been on a break from writing for the past week; No, I’m actually writing all the time, but in my head.

I’ve got a lot of drafts piled up at the moment in my mind.

Now there is also a “memory full” signal.

Why am I not writing them down somewhere? This is a difficult question.

I know that if I write them down, I will send them to the relevant people.

So I have decided not to write it down.

Of course, some people have really hurt me, but I still love them.

My life has been very strange for the past two months.

Life is not the same as it was a few days ago.

Life is starting to feel like a dead end; it feels like “I’m waiting for something that will never happen”.

Feels like I lost something precious. My eyes haven’t been dry since.

These summers are a little more sad.

Or it’s like. "Sayiaara, TU to badla nahi he, mausam Zara sa rootha hoa he."

Maybe I’m missing something badly?? This Tuesday, it was Eid.

We didn’t go to our parents' house this time because my son has exams.

I was already sad, so I didn’t feel anything. We visited Murree on the second day of Eid. That day had passed well, but upon returning, the same sadness took over me.

Murree view, image by me🙂

Our tenants were going out of town before Eid, so she asked me to take care of her cat, who had given birth to 5 kittens. I was excited that I had found some work to do.

And I tried my best to take care of them, but two days ago something changed. The cat had kept her babies behind the washing machine, so we couldn’t see them.

Surprisingly, yesterday we found out that there were only two of them left.

And once again I failed

I tried so hard to take care of them.

Seeing this made me even more sad.

Why do I keep losing things and people? I should probably stay away from everyone.

It feels like the whole world has turned against me.

Well, my sister was coming to visit me this Saturday.

I wasn’t feeling well, but I had to cook for her. My sister said she would arrive at 5 o’clock. I was worried that I might not be able to cook until 5 o’clock, so I texted her, "Listen, I hope you won’t arrive before 5?" Only we can do such a thing to our sisters, right? Well, I cooked mutton rice and chicken curry and also baked lasagna.

The top layer of it was overcooked and hard; I was disappointed. During the meal, I kept telling everyone to “eat the lasagna from the bottom up, and this was almost perfect, but the top layer was left hard by mistake”, lol. Well, the guests admired mutton rice and chicken curry; thank God they were well-cooked. Then later I made tea.

My brother-in-law said that the Chai was fantastic, but it was not enough. Me:

“yeah bro, I actually only know how to make two cups of chai” My brother-in-law laughed a lot at my statement.

It’s just, I don’t think much, I say what’s on my mind. Well, I had a great time with them; I love my nieces very much, but at the same time, socializing makes me tired.

I can’t talk much. As I already said,

I don’t talk anymore.