The 5 am Club, or… Y I du dis?

“The early bird gets the worm.”- A wise old man.

“I’m not a bird. Why the hell would I eat a worm!”- The guy who didn’t get the message.

Celebrities, entrepreneurs, gurus and that annoying uncle who has all the answers during Eid gatherings, but doesn’t know his missus is cheating on him, has said this. The earlier you wake up, the better your life will become.

That statement is a lot more mixed than I’d like to admit. Having spent one whole year waking up at 5 am in the morning has certainly brought some benefits, but it’s not necessarily the magic trick that people pose it off to be.

Disclaimer: I’m no health expert, so please stop holding it against me if not everything is accurate. (It hurts my feelings.) I’m just a guy, sharing his experience.

Let’s rewind the clock the to where it all began.

No! Not that far! Who are these people anyway?

It was December 31, 2023. I was at a new years eve party, making conversation with strangers. Later on I would find out that I was crying through most of it, but that’s a different story.

It was the morning after that really set the stage. I woke up feeling an excruciating feeling of emptiness in my chest. Yes, there was some flatulence as well, but the hollowness was what really bothered. I had been to plenty of parties before where both alcohol and ‘charas’ were present. Crossing vices was nothing new to me. Only this time, they left a very bad taste in my… well everywhere.

After a little pondering it became clear what was really getting to me. 2023 ended on an upsetting note. In fact, it started to feel that with each passing year, nothing was getting better. There comes a point where I had to admit that pointing my finger at the world wasn’t the answer. Clearly, given it was broken at the time. The fault was within me. I had to get my act together.

Rather than diving into the typical philosophical aspects of it, I wanted to bring in habitual changes in my life that would help better my mental, physical and emotionally sexual spirit health. (You read that right.)

The Tri-fecta for betterment was obvious:

1. Diet (Needed plenty of work)
2. Exercise (Needed plenty of work)
3. Sleep. (You guessed it. Needed plenty of work)

Ordering on Foodpanda was my go to thing. Exercise didn’t get past a standard jog in the evening. Doom-scrolling on social media would take hours away.

Don’t fall for his handsome face. He is actually unhappy.

It’s no surprise that I had little energy for the rest of the day. And when you add years of this lifestyle, it’s going to take its toll sooner or later. Leaving bad habits behind and starting anew had been hovering in my mind. I suppose new years had its own way of sending the message.

Now came the challenge. Fixing it.

That saying “old habits die hard”… yeah… they really do. I had spent years living a certain way. There was bound to be resistance. Most people will tell you to make big changes. The smart ones will suggest make tiny ones.

That’s how it started. My first priority was to get up early. And I don’t mean just open my eyes, yawn, stretch my arms, fart plenty.

What? It’s nature’s calling.

I meant getting up, hopping right into the cold shower and head out for a run.

How was this possible?

The phone was replaced with a book at night. Screen time was out the door by 8pm. The music system ended up at the repairs due to an accidental kick I made during angsty Taylor Swift song. (Sigh)

With the distractions out of the way, sleep came around much easier than I expected. There I was, every morning at Zamzama Park, running the track, saluting my peers and farting. Again, nature’s calling.

Over time the jogging shifted over to a new combat sport that came my way, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Or as the inexperienced call it, Brah’s-juju. Or that sport guys do for some hugs and affection… ahem.

With consistency, a routine finally took shape and I was a morning person. It was and still is a good investment.

Overtime, I started notice both the good and the bad of this niche club. Yes, just there was still a few things I didn’t like and you might want to consider.

Let’s start with…

The Pros of Joining the 5 AM Club

. Feeling unstoppable… for 2 hours.

Everyone is snoring. You on the other hand are out there taking action. Finally a chance to look down on everyone who are asleep. Until finally, the drives wears out and you’re on 1% battery.

. Meeting the peaceful version of yourself

It’s quiet, birds are singing, and your brain hasn’t remembered your problems yet. So magical.

. Watching the sun rise

It’s much slower than you expect, but worth the wait. Don’t stare at it for too long please.

. Gaining extra hours

Before, you were keeping up with the rest. Now with a head start, there is time to meditate, journal, work out and still be miserable before breakfast.

Like any good thing, there is a price to pay. Bringing us to…

The Cons of Joining the 5 Am Club

. Judging others for still sleeping. What amateurs.

You wake up at 9 AM? Psh, whattay loser yaar!

. Social life? What social life?

The days of puffing at chai dhabas with your friends, or watching one more episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S are over. And no you can’t go egging this Thursday either!

. Oh nap time, how I can’t deny you so.

Naps were like that toxic ex you’d avoid. Now you wonder ‘why’ and embrace the ‘zzz’s. I mean, 20 minutes wouldn’t hurt, right? You know what does though?

Waking up 4 hours later wondering where it all went wrong.

. Existential dread comes earlier

At 5 AM, there’s no traffic, noise, anyone to judge you for early morning farts. Then comes that one intrusive thought… “Why am I doing this to myself?”

So now what?

I get it, its confusing. I struggled for the first month, because there was someone judging me for early morning farts session. Over time however, things aligned.

I chose to do this because I was in a place where I wasn’t happy with both my physical and mental health. I needed a drastic change and this seemed the right way.

Having endured months of early morning cold showers, watching the sky shift from darkness to light, feeling exhausted when it’s just 7 pm, I’m not gonna lie, its frustrating. There is a lot one has to adapt to.

You’re not available as much not just for others, but for the things you yourself once enjoyed. There’s no trophy or a pat on the back. Because everyone’s asleep. If validation seeking and dopamine are your kinks, this is going to be a nightmare for you.

Would I recommend it?

Of course. Doing difficult things makes you see how much you can take on. That’s where resilience and character building starts.

Is it the absolute solution to your problems?

Not at all. This is just an alternative to help you get things in order. I haven’t seen anyone solve their relationship problems or figure out how to make lacs of rupees just by working out, meditating or journalling earlier. It’s a helping tool. Not a saviour.

With 2026 around the corner, you get another chance to start over and try something new for this year. Why not this?

Pseudoscience says you become extra good looking if you run at 5AM. Just saying…