SIMPLE RULES FOR CREATING A MECHANISM OF SLAVERY — LIVING AS A WOMAN IN PATRIARCHAL SYSTEM

SIMPLE RULES FOR CREATING A MECHANISM OF SLAVERY — LIVING AS A WOMAN IN PATRIARCHAL SYSTEM

Before we begin our journey to understand the rules of female slavery, let me tell you about a typical week of a woman very dear to me.

My 36-year-old lady wakes up earlier on weekdays than anyone else in the house. First she makes breakfast for her husband, and after he finishes his breakfast and goes to work, she prepares breakfast for her children. The husband and each child want to eat something different: for the husband it is “menemen”, a traditional Turkish dish made with tomatoes and pepper, for the elder child it is boiled eggs, for the middle it is fried potatoes, and for the younger one it is a toast with cheese. After the children go to school, it is up to my dear wife to do the household chores: cleaning, cooking, shopping, ironing…As the clock ticks by and evening comes, the titles of the chores immediately change: preparing dinner, washing the dishes, taking care of the children’s homework and getting them to sleep. On weekends, tasks such as maintaining good relations with relatives and neighbors are added. In this culture we live in, women who prepare breakfasts and meals, who set the table, are expected to eat after the men, and when it comes to practicing this rule, my dear lady can only eat after the male members of her family. Yes, this is a typical week for most women in a patriarchal system like ours, I have to imply that this article does not include the psychological and physical violence, the humilation, the constant feeling of inadequacy and incompleteness she suffers, but I think you can imagine the details.

She periodically spends her life doing housework and childcare until she gets old and not able to fulfill these tasks. I am sure she never asks what she wants to do for herself. All she dreams of is the success of her children, a career for her son and perhaps profitable marriages for her daughters. She was born a girl and her duties were assigned to her as a child. Her mother, who had to work in the fields of the village, left the care of her younger siblings and household chores on her shoulders. Imagine a 6-year-old girl washing dishes, preparing meals and taking care of her siblings. She could not go to school, get an education or make friends. She never learned to dream or ask for anything for herself, but she memorized the tasks given to her by the invisible authority and continued to live as a woman in a prison without walls.

Once I asked her what she would like to do or be if she had the chance to get an education and make a career. She smiled and said that maybe she would be a teacher and live in a house with a small garden on the Greek islands that she saw on TV with her cats, spending time in her garden and taking afternoon naps like Greek ladies. She said she can not imagine anything more than that. Sometimes I get angry at her and think she should want more from life. Even though I consider myself a smart girl, I am not smart enough to understand a woman who lives in a closed box and sees different and possible worlds only on TV. This is the only life she knows and the outside world terrifies her.

Through observing and thinking for hours and days about the lives of women like her who are forced into marriage, who think that they have no value in life if they do not marry and have children, who cannot make their own choices, who are dependent on their fathers, husbands or sons, who are subject to jealousy and bullying by the women around them, who never gain courage and freedom, I think that I have figured out the rules of the mechanism of slavery. Here are the three basic rules, very easy to understand.

The first rule of female slavery is to impose adult responsibilities on girls when they are children and to prevent them from receiving a proper education. In this way, you can ensure that she thinks that her primary role is to serve others, to be accepted by others, and thus she cannot explore different possibilities in life.

The second rule is really fun and creative. If you dictate cultural norms and expectations to a woman on a daily basis from a very young age, you can manage to create an invisible monster in her brain that never stops talking to her about living for her family and never doing anything that would bring shame to her family. So the woman, with the oppressive monster in her brain, can’t hear her own voice and is ready to submit to the superior male power.

Our third rule is also based on the power of repetition. Give her repetitive daily routines such as housework and childcare. Make her forget her own needs, make her think she is less than a man, and leave little room for self-reflection and personal growth, thus keeping her alive and preparing her to be a suitable wife. In this way, you can assume that she puts the needs of others before her own and prevent her from exploring her own desires and aspirations. If she even thinks for a moment about a life of freedom, make her feel guilty and punish her harshly for her selfish thoughts and wishes.

How do the rules of slavery sound to you? Easy and doable, right? Let me end with a passage from Clarissa P. Estes’ book, Women Who Run With Wolves. I hope I can interpret the passage correctly. The author tells us in her book that the essence of creative life is not discipline but the game, the play. The urge to play is an instinct, and without play there is no creative life. If one is well-mannered there is no creative life. If one sits quietly there is no creative life. If one speaks, thinks, and acts only with dignity, little creative juice will flow. Any group, society, institution, or organization that encourages women to despise the strange, to be suspicious of the new and unusual, to avoid the fiery, the enthusiastic, the innovative, to depersonalize the personal, is demanding a culture of dead women.

I hope, knowing and understanding the rules will keep us alert and protect girls from dirty minds.