Why is There So Much Pressure on Vacations to Be Perfect?

We expect a 10-day trip to make boredom go away, justify its cost, spruce up ordinary life, create lifelong memories, strengthen relationships, and to return happier than we were

Author’s Photo

The photo you see above is one of a hundred attempts to click a picture with the flower beds from the bottom-top angle — an idea I got from Pinterest.

The picture is nowhere close to what I found but this was the best I could do. Clicking this shot requires one to place their phone on the ground between a beautiful flower bed, switch to selfie mode (during a bright sunny day) and stand or bend at a perfect angle.

Now, I am no professional photographer, but I tried. And I tried with all the possible flower beds on my recent trip to Kashmir. A person with albinism, my sensitivity to sunlight also made this a tad bit difficult. In my attempt to do so, I am certain there were multiple moments of “why can’t I get this shot,” “I don’t know how to click photos,” etc, etc…

But then somewhere along my 11-day journey, I remembered something — a belief I hold, and a question I often ask, “Why do we put so much pressure on vacations to be perfect?”

The idea of vacation is to step out of the mundane and enjoy something new and probably different — not to step into some perfect land that will take away all your worries.

They only push our worries to the back seat — albeit temporarily.

Vacations don’t change your personality or who you are either.

An early riser will be an early riser on vacations too. Someone who doesn’t enjoy loud noise will not suddenly start grooving. Vacations don’t make you fall in love with something entirely new.

What they do is throw you a challenge. They show you different perspectives. They throw light on a way of life that you have probably never imagined or seen, and they also show you that no matter where you go problems exist.

Vacations are rarely only about turquoise blue waters, snow clad mountains, gushing rivers and clear skies. They are also not about food and flavours. It is not necessary that you will enjoy the local cuisine — I am sure many people don’t. You may not vibe with the culture of your destination. Vacations include airport delays, bad weather, sore feet, poor sleep, disagreements, arguments, wrong turns, mediocre food and exhaustion too. But these things don’t ruin vacations — they only don’t meet your expectation of what you thought the vacation would be.

Where does this “Perfect Vacation” pressure come from?

Maybe the pressure comes from the things we tell ourselves and the way those around us react to us going on a vacation. We often hear friends say, “Wow, that’s gonna be awesome,” “I am so jealous,” “I wish I could come too.” We tell ourselves, “I need a break.” Even before the tickets are booked, there is so much expectation from a vacation. By the time we board the flight, we’ve already curated photo ideas, looked at sunsets on Instagram, imagined the conversations, the food and the feeling of coming back renewed. We expect a handful of days to compensate for months of routine.

Have you thought of the words you will use to describe the vacation much in advance? Are all the words you use, actually descriptive of your vacation? Or are you simply using common adjectives?

It was awesome. Fun. Beautiful. Relaxing.

When I was visiting Paris in 2018, I vividly remember not liking the way locals treated tourists. I remember getting frustrated with the complicated public transport system. And, there was so much walking. And yet I loved seeing the Louvre shine, the Seine River ride, and the sparkling Eiffel Tower in the night sky. It was by no means perfect. The things that didn’t go my way, gave me stories to share.

Goa in 2024 with friends was not perfect either. It was raining most of the three days we were there and restaurants had long queues and limited food options for me.

In Kashmir, I saw a new service being offered to tourists. Every valley I went to, every garden I walked around, at every beautiful viewpoint, there were local guides offering to make reels and videos. Back in the day the service was get your photographs clicked but at least that only stole a moment of your time. Now, admiration of viewpoints is interrupted by capturing the beauty on camera to view them down memory lane.

Did you really feel the beauty though?

It’s like documenting the proof of a perfect vacation and in that pursuit, we often get distracted from the vacation we’re actually having. I am guilty too, because there was no need for me to look up photo ideas before the Kashmir trip began and yet I did.

My Kashmir trip was in a group tour with my aged parents (both senior citizens) who find it difficult to walk for long hours and climb stairs. I couldn’t do a lot of exploring that I would have otherwise done. They are also not in tune with how to click Insta-worthy pictures. And there were times I felt bad about not having pretty photographs.

But it was far more joyful to take them to three cafes during the trip — something they have not done before. Watching them study the menu, decide what to order, and simply sit there without any hurry is a memory I’ll probably remember longer than any perfectly framed photograph.

There was also the problem of small room sizes for the three of us and me getting annoyed with my parents was a daily occurrence.

Vacations always have more imperfect moments than we want and that’s okay because wherever you go, you accompany yourself. That doesn’t change. Vacations don’t make you someone else. They simply introduce your existing self to a different place.

There is another thing vacations don’t do. They don’t magically take away your problems and stress. You have to come back and deal with those.

And yet, I have never finished a vacation wishing it would never end. By the last few day, I usually find myself missing home. No destination has ever taken my heart so completely that I didn’t want to come back. Maybe it’s just me but vacations don’t evoke the feeling of a new me. They leave me feeling grateful that I stepped away for a while.

I return refreshed, with a few more stories, some new perspectives and perhaps a little more appreciation for the life waiting back home but not renewed. Not yet at least.