Who Listens To Me?

The Gravity Weekly Reflection

Earlier, I used to get very irritated. Sometimes still do, I am a human after all.

Nobody listens.

Patients don’t listen to instructions.

Staff don’t listen to instructions.

People on the road don’t listen to traffic rules.

Everyone wants to go ahead of everyone else.

I would come home frustrated and complain to whoever was available.

One day after yoga class, I finally vented to my teacher.

“Guruji, nobody listens to me. Why?”

He smiled.

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Listen.”

“Of course I listen!”

He laughed.

“All I hear is Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.”

I was offended.

“What is wrong with that?”

“Where is We?”

I stared.

He continued.

“Dialogue cannot happen between Me and Me. It happens between You and Me.”

I was unconvinced.

“Guruji, they really don’t listen.”

He nodded.

“Did you ask why?”

“No.”

“Did you make sure they understood?”

“I explained it.”

“I didn’t ask whether you explained it. I asked whether they understood.”

That stopped me.

Then he asked,

“Do you remember the four questions?”

guru teaching me-created by author using chatgpt

I did.

Or at least I was supposed to.

He held up four fingers.

Who are you?

Where are you?

Whom are you with?

What is your shared purpose?

“Always start there,” he said.

“Without these four, nothing moves.”

I nodded.

He continued.

“There is no point proceeding without a foundation. You cannot build a house without a basement.”

“Yes, Guruji.”

“And stop asking only why people don’t listen. First understand why they do not understand.”

That one hit me like a ton of yoga blocks Guruji lovingly threw when we were out of sync in a class.

The sad thing was that he was right.

I had spent weeks wondering why nobody listened to me.

It had never occurred to me to ask whether they had understood me.

Then came the final lesson.

“When you start with clarity, you usually end with clarity.”

I smiled.

“Good.”

“When you start with ambiguity…”

He paused.

“…you end with chaos.”

I laughed.

Because suddenly I could see half my arguments, misunderstandings, and frustrations passing before my eyes.

Patients weren’t always refusing.

Sometimes they were confused.

Staff weren’t always careless.

Sometimes they were unclear.

And perhaps I wasn’t always communicating as clearly as I imagined.

The lesson was simple.

Move from Me to We.

It turns out communication has less to do with talking and more to do with creating a shared understanding.

Perhaps that was what he meant by moving from Me to We.

I am still learning.

Create clarity.

And before complaining that nobody listens, ask one uncomfortable question:

Have I truly listened first?

This is in response to-

[embed]The Person Who Listens The Gravity Weekly Reflectionmedium.com

tagging lovely Smriti Pathak Monika Mahadev for my entry.

Asking GUDDANTI MIHIR Dt. Tinna Soumya Viswanathan Dr Archana M, PhD who their go to person is. Please share.