Photo by Serhat Beyazkaya on Unsplash

I Cannot Help But Smile

How Life Feels When Grief Hollows You Out

Seeing the casket being placed into the ground, Seeing the people cry, hearing it all around. I cannot help but smile, even though I should cry. I don’t know what’s happened, but I think it’s time to say goodbye.

I sing a little song to lull him back to sleep. Maybe I shouldn’t bother; he’s already six feet deep. Memories of the life before come in bright. I cannot help but smile.

Now it’s time for school, where everyone’s a mess, A place where people strive to be the best. But best was not for me; it flew away with you. Now I’m stuck in this mess, and I don’t know what to do.

Finals are approaching, and I can’t just sit still, Not when you and I were doing this like a drill. I’m afraid I’m gonna fail, I haven’t done enough. Who knew that life could be so tough?

I met this boy, and he seems like he could be nice. He’s so sweet, he reminds me of you sometimes. People said he liked me, but I just can’t be sure. I guess that feeling is nameless forevermore.

That same boy was there with me when the news came through That you were gone, and my memories of you were in review. He sort of helped, though he didn’t know what he was helping with — This sort of debt, something I don’t deserve but have to give.

Friends came by, checking to see if I was alright. Seemed to me they were just trying to be polite. It does feel weird coming back to all of this, While in my heart, there’s a huge abyss.

The years go by; I’ve gone to places you’d want to see. I’ve become the person that you wanted me to be. I think of all the years behind, all the lost time. I cannot help but smile.