CONNECTION

Our Search for the Perfect Dinner Conversation…

Six topics we tried. A few flops. One unexpected winner.

Author’s image using ChatGPT

Words are hard. Cogent thoughts are harder. Picking a conversation topic that has legs, is interesting, and can be shared with a range of people is the hardest of all. I am a conversationalist by training, and I know.

I just came back from a trip to visit my 96-year-old father-in-law. While there were many moments worth sharing and that could be a list in themselves, one instance made me laugh more than all others — our attempt to find a topic of conversation everyone could enjoy.

Setting the stage, there were eleven people gathered around an exquisitely set table with Wedgewood china and fine crystal. Our host and friend is a gourmet chef who loves to entertain. Our group was comprised of two 96-year-old grandparents, eight middle-aged parents, and one twenty-something with limited English-speaking skills.

Between the elegance of the table and the quality of the food, I felt the need to engage in thoughtful, high-end conversation that did the setting justice.

Spoiler alert: We hit on a lot of topics before we hit paydirt. I discovered that there is gold in those hills when the topic is Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s wedding. We tried hard with topics that I felt had range and gravitas.

But Taylor changed our mood. I will share our conversation thread in the hope that it helps others. I’d welcome feedback on topics that have worked for you. I’ve also scored them for how well they worked for us.

1. Summer travel ★★☆☆☆: A couple had just returned from Italy and had too, too many details to share. There is a risk of oversharing —hotels, tour guides, meals — you name it. Really, a headline will usually do, or maybe a subtitle. Early into their monologue, the room fell flat, while the nonagenarians kept asking, “Where is this you went to?” I tried to steer us toward a new, more fruitful topic, but the exuberance of the travelers was difficult to overcome. Eventually, I won.
2. Politics ☆☆☆☆☆: No matter where you sit on the spectrum, politics is a dark and divisive topic. We only touched this hot potato for 3 minutes before we moved on. No one believed the news, and no one liked anyone paraded as a political leader. Gas prices, Iran, the new “young’uns” leading the way at the local level … it was all too much for the group. Our mood went from flat to dour.
3. Kids and grandkids ★★★☆☆: Not quite as hot as politics, and far more personal, kids elicit a range of emotions. There were a lot of “can you believe…” and “why would they…?” I offered the story of my 5-year-old granddaughter, who told her mom she was relieved there were no mean girls on her summer camp bus. “Mean” was a rich topic, but we eventually decided we needed something easier to understand and more upbeat. Hmm… quiet…stares across the table, and then I picked a fun topic — the wedding of the century!
4. Taylor Swift ★★★★★: No one at the table really understood the couple’s magnetism and our society’s obsessive focus on them, but we all found it intriguing. We discussed Taylor’s gown, her ring, the broad swath of celebs that joined them. Then, someone offered, “People were paying for the garbage in the bins outside of Madison Square Garden!” This elicited a great response from the 96-year-old woman, who chimed in, “I would have given them mine for free.” We skipped over what it says about us as a society because that would have brought us down, and we were looking for happy. Being happy can be hard, but we were on a mission. The next topic was our most interactive.
5. Shows we’re streaming ★★★★☆: This showed the generational divide. The nonagenarians were nostalgic for their favorite shows, which included Lawrence Welk, the King Sisters, and Perry Mason. When it was my turn, I offered Endeavor, Patience, and All Creatures Great and Small. My husband offered “Lincoln Lawyer.” The twenty-something mentioned Game of Thrones. Everyone had something to say, and the picks said something about us as well. We closed the topic by discussing why movie theatres were passé and would never really come back.
6. Aging ★★★★★: It was the 96-year-old woman’s birthday, so it was natural that we’d get to aging and lessons learned. She was a highly respected principal during her day, and she understood kids. This is something every parent at the table was trying to do. This wise woman offered that we worry too much. “Relax a little more. Worry a little less.” I’m sure she is right, but when you’re still in the driver’s seat of twenty-and thirty-somethings finding their way, worry is a natural byproduct.

How’d we feel as we left the birthday celebration? Well-fed, connected, happy to be able to experience the joy of family and friends, and for me, relieved that we hit on some topics that could do justice to the evening. My father-in-law left the evening humming a Mozart melody, which is how I know we hit emotional pay dirt.

Readers, any topics that hit pay dirt for you and your family and friends? I’m listening…