Abiding Citizens of Science Fiction

Regrets are powerful; they judge our conscience, our decision bakery, our taste in music, even. We are one with the little belittlers inside our souls. Do we know how to be a perfectionist, or are we just simply underestimators, or like me, both, but more of the latter? I found one minor mistake, a mathematical error in my fictional-insignificant charter quotation. I had the thoughts, checking them thoroughly before we published, but it never happened, or I’m more of a procrastinator rather than a person who takes everything for granted. I took it all, the responsibilities, I had them under control, which was the biggest obtuse shit I pulled. Here I am, reminiscing, like the New York Knicks before Game 6 at the 2024 Playoffs.

The Charter Quotation’s math itself wasn’t crucial in a Law-oriented Legal Opinion Comps, but the belittlers inside of me, and God forbid, inside the participants’ minds just keep hammering my neurons, dude. Is this a standard procedure in the self-improvement process? putting yourself at risk of going nuts? I will say yes to that very question.

Back in 2022, I really wanted to be a Filmmaker, a real one, not just some indie-obsessed emotional artsy kid motherfucker, which I was, I admit. I really like stories. I never really considered myself a storyteller in contrast. I’m more of an aesthetic admirer. This admiration manifests in my early decision to graduate and apply to colleges. Initially, when I was a high schooler, I hated the idea of the future; I was cowardly about it; the only thing I asked that would imply future action was “what movie should I watch tonight?” What a fucking coward.

But I will say this: nobody has the right to throw, assume, or harshly judge you with their judgments. Don’t you dare touch that dial, except for me and those critically important associates at ABNR. As ironic as it seems, you sometimes refuse to be constructively, even, honestly criticized by someone you see as weighing incapability. I feel like living with thousands of critics thrown at you is like living with ChatGPT when you use good prompts. But again... We are prompts, made by people before us, dictated by law and order.

Studying law teaches me a few things other than the piercing of a corporate veil; it teaches me that no matter what happens, no matter what life decides to throw at you, there are always procedures, defenses, remedies, clauses, and ways to clear your name, to come back UP, the last hill to die on. That’s why we are nothing but abiding citizens of science fiction; we thrive from stories, fraud stories, divine stories, corporate ideologies, accusations, even stories made by advanced humans called law.

Studying law also brings relief to me, choosing law over film school, what a great gift from my conscience. I always see that making films should always be treated the same as making a thesis. If you (to be filmmakers) sit down and think, you decide to spend 66 mil IDR a year learning about films, the making of films, Hitchcock’s way of thinking, juncto Kubrick’s, without learning anything else, what kind of movie would you make? Without a promising intellectual premise, you would lack vision, and your art would be wasted as such. So dear filmmakers, writers, artsy mofos, my fellow abiding citizens of science fiction, please create something truly remarkable intellectual products because, truly, art without intellectual substance is empty.

Maybe I didn't abandon art, I'm collecting substance for it?

Even after choosing law over my sanity, you can still find flaws in me. Even more, like the quotation mistake, I'm unbothered and unchangeable.