Everything you need to know to escape social isolation.

How to Escape Social Isolation: The Ultimate Guide to Reconnection

For a better life alone — and a cherished life with others — follow these words of wisdom.

Social isolation kills, slowly, filling people with pain that can be described as impacting both the body and mind. If you think of how social isolation is compared to smoking cigarettes, you can form a picture of the destruction that isolation causes.

Picture someone detached and lonely, with no connections in sight, deprived of resources, gradually succumbing to odd habits and antisocial behaviors that contribute to their suffering. In a year’s time, such a state would lead to devastating results, such as addiction or poverty, or even homelessness.

No one deserves social isolation. But it happens. When it does, one or more of the following likely occurred:

• The individual suffered from a mental health disorder
• The individual failed to adjust to the community, work, or relationships
• The individual was stigmatized, mistreated, or oppressed
• The individual suffered a significant trauma
• The individual was an adolescent or aging adult

In these cases, maladjustment occurred. People were left behind. The painful reality proves that active self-growth is the only way to escape isolation.

As it turns out, I’ve learned how to win.

I beat isolation after one of my longest battles with depression led me to a psych ward. Soon after, I landed in intensive outpatient treatment. Quickly, I overcame my fears.

Treatment helped. But until I was ready, I embraced a realistic understanding of what keeps people isolated. This awareness led to stability until I could reconnect.

You may feel you’re not ready to reconnect. Maybe not until you get treatment. In this guide, I’ll teach you how to integrate personal growth into your treatment plan to help you reconnect faster.

To get started, click a section in the Table of Contents. Otherwise, simply keep reading.

Table of Contents

· What to know · Define social isolation · Understand the work · Break the cycle · How-to · Tips for success · Recap

What you need to know

Since social isolation causes serious effects, it’s best to look ahead to see what we’ll be getting into.

There are four basic aspects of escaping social isolation:

Understand isolation. We’re not talking about solitude, the state of being alone voluntarily, as when you meditate or embrace time in nature. Isolation is an unwanted state of being alone where despite one’s best efforts, social connection becomes impossible.

Understand the work. Any hardship requires hard work to escape. Your path to reconnecting will require changes, both lifestyle and behavioral.

Understand the cycle. Once you’re isolated, you may feel a loss of control, meaning you’re likely to worsen your state, not overcome it — initially. A cycle of self-destruction and suffering occurs.

Keep these four elements in mind to help you build self-awareness. Your next step from here is defining isolation.

First, define social isolation

The definition is relatively straightforward. Social isolation refers to a state of involuntary detachment that results in a loss of social interactions and meaningful engagements. It’s thought of as a chronic condition that lasts for months or decades and generally affects people who are having difficulty adjusting.

But that’s a base definition. You need to personalize your understanding to form an accurate summary of your experience. In the process, you’ll begin seeing what’s wrong about your situation.

There is an easy way to proceed:

1. Identify three descriptors
2. Identify one cause
3. Identify one adverse effect

Three keywords define your state of mind (including details about your diagnosis or symptoms), your living conditions, and the overall impact that isolation has on your well-being. From there, you’ll weave in one or more causes, then cap off your definition with a clear consequence.

Social isolation is the state of being alone for a prolonged time-frame due to anxiety, depression, and difficulty functioning, which leads to further mental deterioration.

This is my my personal definition using the criteria I mentioned above. As you can see, I identified three descriptors or symptoms — “anxiety”, “depression”, and “difficulty functioning.” I also cited the adverse effect of being isolated, according to my own experiences. That is, isolation “leads to further mental deterioration.”

Mostly, my understanding of social isolation has remained the same. I’ve always had my own working definition. Having this helped me stay hopeful and positive about the future.

Now, create your own definition and record it on your device. You’ll start to feel a sense of empowerment that comes with self-awareness.

Remember, it’s normal to feel a surge of inspiration, as if you’re ready to embrace the world at once. If so, consider skipping the other sections and jump right to the fifth step, Build Relationships.

But if you’re still holding onto fear, resentment, shame, or something else, then keep going so I can teach you a safer approach. From here, we’ll talk about the work involved, as preparation stops anxiety in its tracks.

Second, understand the work

Once you have an idea of the devastation isolation causes, understand the work involved — I’ll tell you it’s ongoing. You’ll need to commit to a repeated number of tasks almost daily to quickly alleviate the severity of isolation.

Ultimately, you want to have the belief that you can end your social isolation within a few months — not many years. To start, you’ll have to accept what you’re getting into. There are five pillars of escaping social isolation.

The five pillars are:

• Personal growth
• Letting go
• Moving forward
• Engagement/relationships
• Maintenance

These are not simply buzzwords. They’re aspects of recovery that guide us to happiness.

To accept the work involved, take a minute to yourself. Focus on what these words mean to you to ensure you’re ready for the challenge. For each term mentioned, write a separate word or phrase defining the term.

Again, you’re building self-awareness, which forces you into reality and into a mindset of recovery and growth.

The idea is to retrain your mind so you think of what it means to be human. Chances are, you’ve lost sight of this meaning during your period of isolation. This effort will open your mind to a world of opportunities, while getting you excited, at least enough to break the cycle.

Once you’re ready, repeat this phrase:

I’m okay for now. I have the the means to be happy.

This simple phrase stops negative, self-limiting thinking and helps you embrace a strong appreciation of the present.

Now, even though your isolation likely brings feelings of loneliness, your goal at this point should be to separate yourself from the toxic. Your priority should be plotting a path to a meaningful life.

Quick tip: The work involved may simply mean going somewhere else. For a temporary fix, revisit a place which you loved. Then reflect on what it means to to live life fully.

If you’re up for some work, think of a place you once called home. Revisit, then reflect.

Next, prepare to break the cycle

No effort at progress will be worthwhile if you’re working backwards. The toxic behaviors and habits must end. There is no other way to embrace connection.

Remember, isolation deters connection. It signals a red flag to potential connections, causing you difficulty as you pursue meaningful interactions.

In other words, everything about isolation makes life worse. Not escaping will lead to your destruction — eventually. The good news is that now represents your second chance, an opportunity to break the cycle in which you’re trapped.

Let’s look at how this cycle works.

First, you’re isolated for far too long.

Isolation leads to emotional instability.

You deter potential connections when you’re emotionally unstable.

You become frustrated, hurt, angry, and resentful.

Negativity deters even more connections, keeping you trapped in isolation where the cycle continues.

With social isolation, the cycle of devastation doesn’t end until you act.

The graphic illustrates your biggest problem: you can’t escape isolation. If you could, you’d remain emotionally stable. Thus, you’d break from the cycle.

Now, to get there, you need to take actual action steps.

1. Stop blaming others. Start helping yourself. Record one new helpful activity you’ll try every week that will lead you to social connections.
2. Stop believing life is impossible. Start being honest with yourself. Write down one big lie you’re telling yourself. Then identify what’s more realistic.
3. Stop treating your mind bad. Start embracing positivity. Write down three positive observations about your living situation. Reread this list every day.

Now, stop what you’re doing and go speak to someone. Anyone, anywhere, so long as you say hi. Simple hellos work wonders when it comes to breaking down isolation.

The truth is that we all get stung when we reach out to connect. It’s part of life and you should feel happy that you’re trying.

But going forward, accept that you’re an introvert. But you should still be willing to switch sides occasionally, as spontaneous extroversion gets you close to self-confidence.

In the next section, we’ll uncover personal growth strategies perfectly suited for escaping social isolation. If you’re already prepared to complete the hard work, then jump to Section 5 to focus on building relationships.

Follow this guide to escape isolation

Up until now, you may have struggled to break free from your shell.

That’s normal. Isolation is a difficult experience. There are a few things that will have to happen before you feel comfortable reconnecting.

Step 1: Assess and correct personality flaws

There are two problems that are happening.

One, your personality may be flawed.

And two, you’re suffering the effects of mental health conditions that alienate you from others.

The combination of these factors will keep you trapped in isolation. Going forward, you need to understand flaws in personality.

There is neuroticism: Your mood and emotions are typically dark and categorized by negativity, anger, resentment, or anxiety.

There is narcissism: You have unusual beliefs that others are inferior and consequently, you wrongfully believe you have the right to control others.

There are avoidant behaviors: You have fears, phobias, or anxiety that cause you to withdraw socially and avoid connection for fear of judgment or rejection.

There are antisocial behaviors: You endanger others through reckless or harmful behaviors with no sense of empathy or concern for anyone’s well-being.

Any of these personality flaws will contribute to your isolation.

If the issues require psychiatric treatment, getting help is your only way to change. I’ll guide you through that process later.

For now, we want to look at self-treatment options. These recommendations won’t change your personality overnight, but they at least plant the seeds.

Considering you’re reading this guide, you must want to feel connected with others. A big part of that goal requires you to undergo a transformation.

Let’s look at this from a two-step perspective.

1. Identify three ways your personality drives away connections
2. Identify three ways you can change to be more approachable.

Now do this for a few days or a week. When you’re approachable, you begin to break the isolation cycle.

Still struggling? That’s possible. There’s likely a good reason.

Step 2: Refocus anger

In your heart, you feel pain. But on the surface, you’re angry. Most people who are isolated feel abandoned, resulting in anger that produces a fiery blockade between you and connections.

You don’t have to be in therapy yet to work with anger. Start by challenging resentment, then learn how to refocus.

Remember this important idea:

When you channel anger into hope, you channel anger into growth. Always strive to do something with your anger so you’re not immersed in negativity.

Now, in your notes, identify one hope you have. Then write down how you can use strong emotions as motivation for growth.

Now practice doing exactly that for a few days to a week.

Notice the power of a mindset shift?

If not, you might need help.

Step 3: Find support

Once you’ve refocused your anger, it’s time to find support. Your goal should be to integrate interactions into treatment. The good news is support means instant interaction.

Instant empathy. Instant compassion. Even an instantly more friendly voice than the one you’ve been hearing.

That said, you’ve likely been socially detached for some time. Your communication skills may be dull. The idea of taking many steps towards finding treatment may feel overwhelming.

Fortunately, the path to support is simple. There are six steps you’ll take:

1. Connect with a free peer support specialist at HeyPeers.com
2. Take a free assessment at Mental Health America Screening
3. Visit a local outpatient clinic and share details about your symptoms
4. Work with a therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist
5. Keep up with treatment as you notice improvements
6. Search Psychology Today for support groups or check with your clinic

Gradually understand that social isolation is not normal. Being alone and detached from others is not normal either. But having a support system is an absolute must, especially, in terms of escaping isolation.

Build your support system in six steps.

Step 4: Set serious goals

Thanks to your support system, you may have had a chance to gradually reconnect. Keep up the good work. But don’t worry about challenges. Isolation keeps you living abnormally for so that you’ll need to set meaningful goals that are serious enough to get you moving forward towards reconnecting.

Forget about what you’ve heard about goals. Only one idea explains how to get started:

Overcoming adversity is the key to growth.

If your path to reconnection is successful overnight, you’ve missed the chance to change, improve, or meaningfully grow. You’d be unprepared socially, and broken down emotionally. You’d be at greater risk for social withdrawal due to fears about rejection.

If that scares you, I have a sad truth. Reengagement requires a focused commitment, an ongoing dedication despite the fact that social interactions will be difficult — and for a while before they become easier.

Think of the reasons why. You may have forgotten communication. You may have forgotten how to be in touch with your emotions. Until you can feel, talk, and share, expect loneliness to continue even as your pain gets worse.

The truth is this: the longer you’re alone, impacted by disability, the greater the need for a sense of direction. In finding that direction, you must take into account that resistance will come.

There is resistance from strangers.

There is resistance from people who could have been friends.

But goals give you self-control. Goals help you outmaneuver resistance.

Why not set goals for crushing adversity?

Now, remember the goals you set in treatment (you eventually will). Set three social goals. For every perceived form of resistance you believe you’ll encounter, identify:

• A way to accept the challenge and move forward with grace.
• A solution to overcome the resistance
• Strategies for coping to stop you from feeling overwhelmed

I recommend solitary work first. You’ve been most comfortable there. Alone is where your mind is sharpest.

But also work with your therapist to build a reconnection plan. And be sure your approach prioritizes your health.

Step 5: Build relationships

Finally, you’ve made it!

You’ve undergone treatment or found support. You’ve participated in group therapies or attended community events. The only step left is to build actual relationships.

If the idea brings anxiety, you’re likely grown used to being afraid.

But it’s simple. The longer you’re alone, fearing, withdrawing or avoiding, the bigger the chance that the fear gets stronger.

In fact, fear becomes overpowering. One major reason isolation continues is because people crumble under the fear. As a result, they never move forward.

That’s why this guide is important. Throughout these steps, you’ve broken down your fears. Going forward, you’ll need to know what’s holding you back, whether it’s a fear of rejection or criticism, or even a fear of being happy.

Now, write down three fears that are still holding you back from building relationships. When you’re done, identify one way why each fear may be based off a misconception.

If you need help, think of each fear in a mind-opening manner.

How might I proceed despite feeling afraid?

And then: What is the best that can happen if I try?

Focusing on relationship building from these perspectives is safer, more rewarding, and more likely to be successful.

Now, how do you build relationships when you’ve been isolated for so long?

By taking two steps:

Follow-up on interactions

Offer to help people you meet

People forget people they’ve only seen or heard from once. Why not make the second meeting about solving others’ problems?

Mostly, when people have a problem, they eventually bring it up in a discussion. This is your chance to offer support. Simply speaking up will help.

When a new acquaintance hears about your support offer, in most cases, they’ll like you. If not, they’ll share the experience. That person will remind the person you spoke to that you tried.

Remember, your support system will boost your self-esteem. but the work to avoid future isolation is all up to you.

Wrapping up — three tips for success

Congratulations on making it this far. Now I want to help you with daily maintenance.

Now that you’ve sought support, challenged negative thoughts, and practiced reconnecting, the last thing you want is a reintroduction to isolation.

Let’s avoid that.

Remember those five pillars we talked about earlier?

Consider daily maintenance the step that rounds out all others.

1. Fight stigma

Isolation causes stigma, resulting in exclusion. Even today, the term “hermit” is still heard in social circles.

Other unhelpful phrases further isolate the disconnected. Such treatment exacerbates mental health conditions while increasing the risk of treatment avoidance.

Mistreatment from the community reopens old wounds, causing irritability, and eventually, full-blown resentment.

Fight stigma in six steps to prevent this from happening:

1. Learn about mental health.
2. Show respect and compassion for people with mental health disorders
3. Share personal experiences, either online as mentioned, or with others who are in close proximity, including strangers and acquaintances.
4. Share anti-stigma sentiments. These are your opinions of why stigma is wrong. Enjoy the feeling of camaraderie. It comes from standing tall for others.
5. Counter self-stigma. Stop the voice inside that’s blaming, criticizing, and telling you that you deserve to be alone. Instead, think bigger and aim for the stars.
6. Hold others accountable. When you see another lonely individual getting picked on, speak out, push back, or report the abuse to authorities.

Follow these above steps to fight stigma. You’ll be empowered with hope as a result.

2. Balance your caffeine intake

I’m not kidding. It matters that much.

Caffeine is essential to beating brain fog and low motivation.Drink a cup of coffee or two in the morning to get fully energized, which will help you alleviate any symptoms of depression.

Remember, don’t overdo it. You have support to help you with energy also.

But know that caffeine gives you a dopamine boost, which is perfect for working through therapy, or for sustaining long periods of personal reflection.

Just know that depending on the severity of your impairment, a significant boost in energy increases your potential for reconnection.

3. Express yourself online

Sharing personal stories or opinions on social media helps you find meaningful connections. People value those who speak from the heart.

A hard-hitting Facebook post in a support group will resonate with others, inspiring them to take action. Validation enters the equation as users offer feedback. Suddenly, you’re not isolated, you’re inspired.

Remember, you’re more likely to connect when you share your voice.

Recap

Living in isolation hasn’t been easy, has it?

Spending too much time alone usually causes a combination of problems, including mental health symptoms and personality changes. This guide helped you work through those issues while teaching you how to find support.

Did you notice how seeking professional support opened up your opportunities for engagement?

Getting help is probably one of the most important parts of this guide.

If you made it this far, you’ve likely thought about seeking support. If needed, go through the steps again to make sure you’re capable of being your best self.

Also, note that in reality, no one deserves social isolation. Now that you know how to escape, will you think about sharing this guide with others?

Remember, reconnection is about caring and sharing.

Kevin Brown writes on mental health and wellness. For more great stories, or to get blog posts written like this for your website, visit Kevin’s website at www.kevinbwriting.com.