“There she is” Moments

There were a few moments in my journey that helped propel me into a richer exploration of femininity. I’m still in the early phases, but two really stand out to me.

#1 Find the Right Hairstyle

I’m 57 and have lived my whole life as a man. While I’m fortunate that my grandfather had a full head of hair, my father definitely didn’t. I inherited the average. What was once thick, gorgeous black hair has now faded to grey, and the forest is thinning — quite dramatically in places.

When I first started cross-dressing I ordered several wigs from Amazon. They were fun for photoshoots — my pink one will always have a special place in my heart — but none of them felt authentic or passable.

The more I stepped into my feminine self, the more I wanted an everyday authentic look. So I started looking for other options.

The city I’m in has a salon that specializes in high-end hair pieces. They cater to women and men undergoing cancer treatments — but, business being what it is, they also had a robust clientele of transgender women seeking to upgrade their looks.

I reached out, explained my situation, and the staff was amazing. They were so kind and receptive — asking me for my name(s), pronouns, and assigned me a stylist (we’ll call her Laura). We connected over text.

Laura told me she was excited to work with me. She asked for some photos and what I was looking for. I sent them (she was all compliments), and we booked a time. I nervously waited for the day to arrive.

I dressed as a man on my first visit. At the time I wasn’t embracing my feminine side publicly at all, and the thought of going to a wig store dressed as a woman was terrifying. Besides, the clothing I owned at the time was mostly BDSM / lingerie, so it wasn’t exactly a look I could sport on the street.

The sitting was interesting. I was ushered into a back room (brightly lit, feminine and comfortable) and Laura introduced herself to me. She offered me tea, and we chatted a bit about what I might want. As we talked, she started pulling wigs off the shelf.

I spent an hour trying on every wig she had — and to be honest, the day was a bust. Every wig I tried on was beautiful and felt natural (the quality was so much better than anything on Amazon), but I had dressed as a man — so the result in the mirror was less feminine, and more country road gas-station attendant. I felt discouraged with every wig I tried.

I left without purchasing anything. I was discouraged, but knew that I could return when I was ready.

About a year later, shortly after my wife kicked me out of the house, I knew it was time to give it another go. I had been practicing makeup and grown my wardrobe. I frequently wore women’s jeans and androgynous tops out in public.

I booked a hotel in the city, packed my clothes and makeup, and the morning of the appointment, walked briskly out of the W hotel lobby in a cheap Amazon wig and a somewhat style-challenged outfit.

When I arrived at the salon, they ushered me in to the same room — but this time I was looking far more feminine. Laura and I chatted again, and she pulled out the wigs once more.

Makeup and attire changed everything. The gas station attendant was on break — and a woman sat in the chair. Each wig revealed a new personality. Some were bold, some silly, and then we found the right one — a blonde wig with chestnut highlights — and suddenly she was in the room. I was in the room. Mira manifested.

“Oh wow, there she is.” I felt whole. I felt complete. I felt like I was meeting myself for the first time. It was overwhelming.

We tried on a few other styles, but I kept coming back to that one — drawn by the way the hair framed my face. I felt… well, beautiful. I had never felt that before. It was transformative.

I made the purchase — yes, thousands of dollars were spent — but it felt so right, and I love my wig. Every time I slip it on and look in the mirror, I reconnect with Mira. It’s like greeting an old, dear friend.

I realize that not everyone can afford these wigs, but… you may have a salon in your area that does free, or low-cost fittings. If you haven’t ever tried on a high quality hairpiece and you are struggling with your look — consider booking an appointment. Even if you don’t buy anything, you may meet a version of yourself you didn’t know existed — and at worst, you’ll have had a laugh or two as you try on a bunch of looks.

Wigs are amazing. There’s no faster way to change your appearance.

#2 Try a Personal Shopper

After I had a wig, I scheduled a personal shopper at the local Nordstrom. Yes, it’s high end, but, as it turns out, personal shoppers don’t cost anything — it’s a free service offered by the department store.

I booked a time online, and was assigned a personal shopper (Cassie) who specialized in trans women. I explained what I was looking for — a bohemian / rocker look, and she immediately got excited. She asked me to send her pictures of looks I liked — and we started texting daily about styles and clothing. She prepared a wardrobe for me to try on.

I had learned from the wig shopping experience that dressing en femme was the way to go. I arrived on the day of my appointment wearing my new wig, and my somewhat androgynous clothing.

I arrived and Cassie greeted me enthusiastically, offered me water or tea, and ushered me into a private changing room that was lined with clothing.

Each piece of clothing was chosen based on the aesthetic I had expressed — along with a few other pieces she had selected for me to try. They were all my size — and the ones that weren’t? Well, she had a whole store to pull from — so she found ones that fit perfectly.

I was a kid in the candy store. I was mixing and matching, seeing myself for the first time in properly fitting feminine clothes with my new hair and just loving every minute of it.

What was one hour turned into three. I probably would have kept going too… It was like having the moment in your mother’s wardrobe that I never had.

Cassie did quite well that day. I left with quite the haul, and wear what I purchased every day.

The thing I want to emphasize here is not the cost — but the experience. A private dressing room, a stylist working with you to find pieces that match and work with your body, and a space in which you can just breathe and be yourself.

Unlike a wig which primarily changes your visual appearance, clothing helps you connect with your body. The textures, the fabrics, the colors and the cuts all help emphasize your body’s natural curves and help you feel more feminine and beautiful. It unlocks a different sense of self.

Go Create Your Own Moments

You don’t need permission to do these things — but if you do, consider it given. We all deserve the chance to meet ourselves and discover who we are. Meeting Mira for the first time in that wig shop was transformative, and the hours I spent in that dressing room were some of the most affirming of my life.

I hope you experience moments these — the ones that give you your own “There she is” moments you deserve.

Now is the time. Make those appointments and go manifest her!