Being Trans Is A Trip

That can be taken two ways and just like me, both are valid

In this essay, I will try to explore the funnier side of being trans or at least make an attempt to do so. Funny, like gender expression, isn’t the same for everyone. In a world that seems so set on our destruction right now, it can help to maintain some baseline level of levity. Prepare for some disjointed, vaguely connected paragraphs designed to elicit not much more than smirks.

Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading a post somewhere about how we should update the old gay covert question, “Are you a friend of Dorthy?” to have a trans version in case one trans person wanted to surreptitiously find out if someone else is. Ignoring the problems that can arise from this, there were a couple of good ones in there: “Are you a friend of Blahaj?” and “Have you seen the TV glow?” were a couple of the ones that made me giggle a little. I had a point with this and I hope I remember it before I get to the end of this sentence or this piece is really going nowhere. Nope, the point escapes me, must be the hormones; they say women aren’t funny, so the drugs must be working.

So, I’m currently on a quest to get an orchiectomy. If you don’t know what that is, congrats, you’re probably not a trans femme person and you’ve never had testicular cancer. Look it up if you don’t know, I don’t have time to explain everything. What I do have time to do is tell you how many times I’ve had to resist the urge, whether it is talking to my therapist, my referring doctor, or the clinic I’m working with, to tell them that I’m ready to get the ball rolling. I’ve said it to my partner a handful of times to get it out of my system. It has been met with the appropriate amount of laughter and subsequent eye rolls on each repetition.

So I have this friend who is a bit of a bro, not on the sports and finance side of bro culture, more on the doom metal and tabletop wargaming side. Super progressive dude. He knows I stab myself with estrogen every week. His jokes have been wholesome and on point. “I love that you’re just out there doing your bestrogen” and about 30 iterations on that theme. We’re part of a running club and our trails routinely have what we call turkey(easy), eagle(hard) splits marked with a t and an e. In an effort to goad me into taking the harder path, he calls them estrogen testosterone splits. If I’m a little extra emotional, “Wow, you’re a messtrogen today.” You get it. It somehow hasn’t gotten old.

They say comedy works in threes, so I’m going to stop now. It’s been a while since I’ve done a shorty but I’m back in the writing habit, go me. I have a bunch of trans related funny stuff happen on the regular, I’ll probably have to start taking notes so I can do more of these. Anyway, hope there was something in there to give you a smile.

Hey, thanks for reading. I‘m still looking to get an advice column going, so if you have anything you need some considered thought on, or even a silly thought on, shoot me an email at erikamustermannwrites@gmail.com. It might brighten your day as much as it would mine. You may want to consider following me at my other home over on Substack: https://erikamustermann.substack.com/

I’ve also started a new publication called Lost In Transitions. Give it a follow and reach out to me if you’re interested in being a contributor. It’s ok if your writing far exceeds mine, which, if we’re being honest, is sometimes not that high a bar, especially when I’m screed writing to air out my thoughts.