Is It Okay to Call Family Love “Toxic”

Growing up in an Asian family, I was taught that family wants the best for you and gives without expecting anything in return. We’re taught to accept any form of love, because that’s how parents express their care. But then, why do so many relationships end with the idea, “We loved each other, but we just didn’t get along”? Even when love is present, it can still become toxic — and we have no problem calling it a toxic relationship.

There are many forms of toxic love. Yet, in family relationships, we often only label it toxic when the family doesn’t show love or pay attention to us. But what about the kind of love that hurts? The love that controls, pressures, or suffocates us — even if it’s meant well? In many conservative cultures, we can’t just walk away from that kind of love, because society will label us as bad or ungrateful children.

But why are we expected to embrace all forms of love, even when it hurts us deeply — just because people keep saying, “We only want the best for you,” or “This is how much we love you”? It starts to feel more like guilt-tripping than love. Sometimes, I wonder — have we, as Asians, been conditioned to accept emotional manipulation and even gaslighting as part of what love is supposed to look like?