Clueless Girl

It’s as though it’s a hallway. Full of endless doors. Too many have slammed shut. Trying to pry open these doors is no longer in the cards. So what is?

I long to know. I long for this answer. But there is no answer sheet. I envy those who have dreamed of who they wanted to be and had a set path from day one. From the moment they entered school to the day they left it. But my path was never set.

I ask myself constantly, " Who am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do? What was I made for?

There is always an answer, but I have to turn away. I have to look towards a different door because opening the one I dream of may not take me where I need to.

Ever since I was little, I would find myself daydreaming of these different worlds in my mind. Names of people would be born, events would form, it all built up to the point of needing to get it down onto paper. Creating and shaping a story.

But, writing stories, poetry, becoming an author, is not a set path. The passion is there, maybe the talent too, the motivation, the reason to get up and write everyday, it’s all there. Everything but stablilty and a gaurentee.

Thus, I have to hold writing so close to my heart but lock it there while I find an open door. An open door that can lead me to the things I desire out of this life. Then, afterwards I can let it out. I can write, and write, and write until I have no words left in me, which I hope never happens.

For now, I remain a clueless girl. Lost and wondering, besides a writer, “Who am I meant to be?”.