How I’m Finding Serenity in the Midst of FASD Caregiving Storms

AI-generated scene of father and son talking serenely.

How I’m Finding Serenity in the Midst of FASD Caregiving Storms

(Well, Almost Serenity…)

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I want to share a crazy example of how Positive Intelligence (PQ) has helped me keep my cool, stay self-regulated, focus on the relationship with my son, and use my Sage Mind to listen with empathy, explore and brainstorm with creativity, and navigate triggering conversations with grace — and all without meltdowns for either of us.

Yesterday, my son woke me up early in the morning to say that he had an urgent issue he wanted to discuss. This was a classic move from his playbook to try and convince me to do something that was either too expensive, too inconvenient, or too impractical. In the past, there would’ve been a 90% chance of an intense argument, probably some raging from him, and likely me storming out of the house for a long, angry walk.

As I was getting ready to meet him downstairs, I felt myself bracing for an argument and simultaneously wanting to run away — classic fight-flight response. My Saboteurs — those unhelpful negative voices that make us worry and ruminate — started death-scrolling through every possible outrageous and unwanted scenario he might present.

My mind was racing. My heart was racing. My body was locking up. I started feeling avoidance, too, when it hit me: I’m getting hijacked by my Saboteurs, but I know what to do!

I tapped into my Sage Self-Command muscle, strengthened through countless PQ reps over the past few years. In that moment, I began doing some PQ reps, focusing on sensations to stay present and regulated. This allowed me to access my Sage Powers of Empathize, Explore and Innovate.

I listened calmly and empathetically to my son, restating his request — which was indeed expensive, inconvenient, and impractical. He seemed to feel heard and understood. So next, I explored why he was asking for this. He shared his worries, and I offered support and a little praise for trying to solve a big concern. We then agreed to brainstorm as many solutions as possible and reconnect later in the day.

No meltdowns, no arguments, no rash decisions, no flight response.

Because I stayed regulated, he was able to stay regulated too. We had managed to engineer our co-regulation! Our Sage Minds communicated with each other using Sage discernment, rather than our Saboteurs escalating the situation.

This kind of outcome is becoming more frequent for my son and me. It might sound unbelievable, and I would’ve been skeptical five years ago, but it works — even better as I do more and more PQ reps every day to strengthen my Sage and weaken my Saboteurs.

Caregiving can still be exhausting, and some chaos still shows up. However, the Positive Intelligence mindset and tools are strengthening my resilience, leading to fewer arguments, building a better relationship, and lifting my feelings of blocked care.

If you’re a caregiver feeling overwhelmed, over-stressed, or burned out, consider building your own PQ muscles to transform the relationship and outcomes with your child.

Curious? Join me for my FASD newsletters, PQ coaching, and radical self-care retreats designed to help you thrive at Linktr.ee/FASDElephant.

Together, we can embrace the rollercoaster of caregiving with grace and resilience.