I Am Crystal/Chapter Seven: The Day I Stopped Apologizing for Being Me

Some mornings feel like beginnings.

Each image within these pages of this book, I AM Crystal has been digitally created, shaped by my personal image, imagination and guided by my intuitive vision.

Others feel like endings.

This one felt like both.

I woke before sunrise.

Not because my alarm went off.

Because the birds had apparently held a meeting and collectively decided I no longer required sleep.

“…thank you for your enthusiasm,” I mumbled into my pillow.

No response.

Typical.

When I finally wandered into the kitchen, Daisy was already waiting.

Of course she was.

She sat beside her food bowl.

Not meowing.

Just looking at me with the quiet confidence of someone who believed breakfast should have happened ten minutes ago.

“You have impossible standards.”

She blinked.

Fair.

After feeding her, I stepped outside with my coffee.

Morning dew rested on the grass like tiny pieces of borrowed starlight.

The world hadn’t fully awakened yet.

Everything seemed…

honest.

Trees don’t pretend to be flowers.

Birds don’t apologize for singing.

The wind has never once asked permission to exist.

Nature spends absolutely no time wondering if it’s too much.

I leaned against the porch railing.

“Maybe you’ve all figured something out that we haven’t.”

Daisy rubbed against my ankle before settling beside me.

We watched the sunrise together.

Neither of us felt obligated to fill the silence.

I’d spent most of my life apologizing.

Sorry I’m late.

Sorry I’m quiet.

Sorry I’m excited.

Sorry I’m overwhelmed.

Sorry I asked too many questions.

Sorry I didn’t understand.

Sorry I need time.

Sorry I feel deeply.

Sorry I’m different.

Somewhere along the way…

“sorry” had become punctuation.

I used it so often I barely heard it anymore.

The realization landed gently.

Like a feather.

What if I stopped?

Not stopped being kind.

Stopped apologizing for existing exactly as I am.

The thought felt…

terrifying.

And strangely peaceful.

I laughed quietly.

“That seems unfair.”

Daisy looked at me.

“You already live like that.”

She blinked.

“…show off.”

I thought about the grocery store.

The necklace.

The library.

The coffee shop.

The mirror.

Every place had given me something.

Not magic.

Permission.

Permission to stay.

Permission to connect.

Permission to witness.

Permission to create space.

Permission to trust myself.

Permission to see myself clearly.

Maybe…

this chapter wasn’t about becoming brave.

Maybe it was about noticing I already had been.

I looked down at my tattoos.

Each one marked a choice.

Each one said,

I was here.

I touched the moon necklace resting against my chest.

It had become part of my everyday life now.

Not because it held magic.

Because it reminded me that every ordinary object has a story.

Just like every ordinary person.

Including me.

The breeze caught the pink strands in my hair.

I smiled.

People notice my hair before they notice me.

For years I wondered if that bothered me.

Now…

I think it simply makes introductions easier.

Daisy suddenly darted after a butterfly.

Completely committed.

Entirely unsuccessful.

She froze halfway through the chase, pretending she’d intended to inspect a dandelion instead.

“You absolutely missed.”

She looked back at me.

Utterly unashamed.

I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my coffee.

“Honestly…

I should learn confidence from you.”

She walked away without acknowledging the comment.

Which somehow made it funnier.

The sun climbed higher.

The world became louder.

Cars.

Neighbors.

Dogs barking somewhere in the distance.

Life.

Beautiful, ordinary life.

For the first time…

it didn’t feel like something happening to me.

It felt like something I belonged inside.

I closed my eyes for one slow breath.

I felt the breeze.

Birdsong.

Warmth.

My heartbeat.

My thoughts.

My emotions.

None of them needed fixing.

None of them needed explaining.

They simply…

were.

I opened my eyes.

“I like who I am.”

The words surprised me.

Not because they weren’t true.

Because I’d never said them out loud before.

And because I cannot lie…

they settled into me like roots finding water.

No resistance.

No doubt.

Just truth.

Daisy returned and leaned gently against my leg.

Not because I needed reassurance.

Because she had apparently decided the moment deserved company.

I scratched behind her ears.

“Thank you.”

She purred.

I wasn’t entirely sure whether I meant the cat…

the journey…

or myself.

Maybe all three.

I took one last sip of now-lukewarm coffee.

Honestly…

still worth it.

The morning stretched out in front of me.

Not perfect.

Not predictable.

Not ordinary.

Exactly the way I liked it.

I smiled.

“I’m ready.”

Not for anything specific.

Just…

ready.

And so something settled — softly, surely, without needing permission.

If you’re still here… you’re not just reading anymore.

You’re part of it.

You can explore the full journey and all connected chapters here:

I Am Crystal — The Opening Portal (A Nonfiction Memoir)

Link: https://medium.com/@crystalleighnoe/i-am-crystal-the-opening-portal-a-nonfiction-memoir-3184c04b13cc

Follow what calls you.

Copyright © 2026 Crystal Leigh Noe

All rights reserved.

(Self-published)

Educational use of this material with appropriate credit is welcomed.

For Inquires contact Crystal Leigh Noe: sacredspacecentre1@gmail.com