I Thought I Found the Antidote with You

I Thought I Found the Antidote with You

Is this a fine line to say we try too hard for nothing?

The Cure Official Lyrics by Olivia Rodrigo

For some reason, I believe the love comes to me in the form of you. I spend thousands of hours to make sure I’m not dreaming. Made up a story as I’ve been living in a curiosity. Living in you. In your mind…

I thought that being in love is as simple as loving you in the right way. To communicate with a full heart. To make sure we’ll survive enough to maintain everything.

My minds tickling every time as I don’t need to worry about things. As I don’t need to deal with anxiety. To trust you endlessly. To begin every chapter with you.

I know that when it comes to staring at your eyes, I know that you won’t ever dare to turn on the dark side of mine. Ever since I saw you for the first time, I know that you’ll be the one who softens my heart, the remedy for its spots.

I'm trying so hard to map your mind, as I trigger so much when it comes to seeking your help. I tried to scratch the happy ending, as my heart is full of doubts, as I know you’ve tried to ensure me once.

Did you even know how much I scare myself? Afraid of love that might be artificial? It consumes me till I don’t really know how to trust you.

Did you even realize how hard I try to deal with the nightmare? As you tried to hug me on the night before I killed my heart.

You have tried… but somehow, my blood listens only to how the shadow in my mind screams. It doesn’t matter how hard you tried to convince me, I don’t really trust the happy ending story.

Not after you claimed you’re ready to become my doctor

Not after you promised me to unravel the knot that tightens my heart so badly.

And I trust you wholeheartedly…

I may sounds as an anger in the form of a human. I may look like a tale of seriousness. Some others saw me in a different way. Too rigid to handle, too emotional to touch. When others saw me, it felt like they needed to prepare how to calm me. How to comfort me.

Too fragile even to stare.

Yet, honey, if you indeed know me… It’s not me. You don’t need to buy things to comfort me. You don’t need to sacrifice the whole world. You just need to be honest about how much I meant to you.

You just need to be brave enough to hug me.

To skip hearing how people hate me because I’m making a mistake. To stop avoiding me as I’m an illness.

I’m not.

I’m a girl who grew up in a modest society. Try to heal. Try to learn. As simple as I want to be somebody.

And when God sent you in the middle of the night, calmly, I pray that you’ll become the complement of it. The addition of happiness in my life. The one who would never torture me.

Yet, honey, how come you turn my faith into trauma? Makes me unravel things all alone, whole this time, dying in front of your own shadow.

How come you’ve been a poison in my heart? A person I would come to love so much, a person I thought would become a part of my life… burn my heart in a one-night stand.

It’s not like I’m healed wholly, but you already touch a part of mine which incridibliy painful.

Leaving a wound, leaving a time without me knowing how to make up with the cure.

As I was ill before, I thought life would become much lighter with you. As I only saw darkness, I thought you would accompany me back and forth. As I saw myself fainting every day in a daydream, I thought I would find the antidote – with you.

To wake up beside you and see your eyes every morning.

Honey, this world is full of cruelty. Some people tried so hard to push their knife back and forth. Others are digging for gold as they rule the country.

However, once in a lifetime, how come you pushed me away, as I cannot see the future with you? How come you cheat the pathways as I need to lose the love with you?

Did you truly want to heal me as you promised to save me?

Did you really try so hard to carry our burden together?

It feels like the effort we put in is meant for nothing. As you walk away from my pain. As you leave me without the antidote.

It sucked me out, honey. Your ghost tried so hard to show up in my heart. So hard that I cannot breathe. We can’t find it anymore. The path we always dreamed of, the spots we once told about. It is built for nothing.

You come to love me that hard only for me knowing it is useless…

Its dissapear as you leave everything behind. Erase things as we never fight for each other.

And honey, I thought your love cured me. I thought it would help me forget how useless it was, and still predict that you’ll become my remedy.

Not yet. We leave each other as soon as we stop trying.

And it all makes me believe that I don’t know how much our love costs.

I thought I would find the antidote with you. To heal each other. To smile and live forever. I thought we would secure our safety. To remove the pain, the poison, and move forward holding hands. No matter how hard it is.

But honey, in fact, I gave up as you wanted to leave so badly. You gave up as you didn’t want to fight for me anymore.

The doubt I feared in the first place, the wound I might have dreamed of before I met you, it turns out to be so real —

— Too real to mention. Too harsh to hear. Too disappointed to remember. Only to make me sum up that your veins would never belong to my hands forever. We couldn’t find the antidote to each of our heartbreak.

Were we even destined to heal each other?

Was you even destined for medicating me?

I thought we love each other as we heal each other.