Masking AuDHD: Damned If We Do, Damned If We Don’t

ADHD, autism, and social camouflage

Photo from ATI

I want to begin with a very brief but highly relevant history lesson, then I promise to get to the main point.

The Swim Test

Did you know? Between the 1500s and 1700s, some women who were accused of witchcraft were subjected to a bizarre swim test. The accused would be bound with ropes and tossed into water to see if they would sink or swim. If they were not witches, they would drown. If they were witches, the water would supposedly reject their bodies and prevent them from submerging. In such cases, they would be pulled out and burned at the stake.

A perfect illustration of the meaning behind the phrase, “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”.

Lorenzo Dow on Calvinism

Lorenzo Dow, who was considered a “rebel” Methodist preacher in the early 1800s, popularized the phrase in a catchy chant about Calvinism. Apparently most Calvinists do not believe in free will, and their branch of faith teaches that god predestines people to be saved or condemned before they are even born. Of the complete purposelessness and hopelessness of life if you are one of the condemned, Dow wrote:

“You can and you can’t —

You shall and you shan’t —

You will and you won’t —

And you will be damned if you do —

And you will be damned if you don’t.”

What this has to do with masking

This is how it can feel to a lot of neurodivergent (ND) people — in particular, ADHD and Autistic folx* — when it comes to camouflaging, or masking, our ND traits. Often we begin by working extremely hard to fit in to avoid bullying, ostracization, and other forms of mistreatment. These attempts frequently result in exhaustion, burnout, increased anxiety, depression, even suicidal ideation. To make matters worse, our efforts tend to make us appear inauthentic, disingenuous, or just plain awkward. People can usually tell something is different about us, no matter how well we mask.

It gets worse. Don’t worry, this will come as absolutely no surprise to anyone who has ever consciously masked, or has reflected on the personal costs of camouflaging their ND traits for the comfort of others (as well as for safety reasons). Masking, or forcing ourselves to “perform” our best approximation of a neurotypical person, does not only cause us all of the aforementioned issues. Recent research has shown that, in addition to negative perceptions, exhaustion, and negative impacts on our mental health, masking ends up making our undesired symptoms worse.

When I refer to undesired symptoms, in this case I mean unwanted by us, the people with the actual ADHD and/or autism. There are ND traits which others may find off-putting or strange, but which we experience as positive aspects of ourselves. There are also experiences stemming from our ADHD or autism which we may find unpleasant, challenging, or downright annoying. I’m primarily referring to struggles with executive functions (such as focus, organization, emotional regulation, etc.) and sensory sensitivities.

The research paper, entitled “I wish I could just be myself”: social camouflaging in adults with ADHD identifies the paradox inherent in masking, in particular for adults in the workplace, or in social situations. When we try to suppress traits which others seem to find off-putting, such as impulsivity, fidgeting, and distractibility, we end up exhausting our cognitive resources. This leaves little energy left for complex cognitive skills such as concentration, prioritization, and memory.

The take-away

When we try to mould or change ourselves to fit in to society’s narrow expectations of how people should think and behave, we do ourselves and others a disservice. To be clear, it is very important we recognize and appreciate that some people — especially those who are multiply marginalized, such as people of colour — have to mask in certain situations for their personal safety. Those situations are significantly different from conformity for the sake of compliance.

When we expect people — especially our children, students, friends, colleagues, employees, and family members — to force themselves to adapt for our convenience and comfort, we are causing them harm, and we are going to elicit neither their true nor best self. We’re not going to help them learn or perform better. If we care about them in any capacity, we should not pressure people to follow arbitrary social norms, many of which have roots in ableism, racism, and classism.

© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB

Related articles

**Neurodivergent Masking Doesn’t Even Work**

**I Was Masking So Long, I Lost Myself**

**Autistic Mirroring, Masking, & “Unstable Personality”**

**Fighting My Internalized Ableism**

**The Types of Social Masks We Wear**

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References

Andrews, E. (2025, May 28). 7 Bizarre Witch Trial Tests. History.com

Dow, L. (1854). The Dealings of God, Man, and the Devil. Sheldon, Lamport & Blakeman.

Jurek, L., Duchier, A., Gauld, C., Hénault, L., Giroudon, C., Fourneret, P., Cortese, S., & Nourredine, M. (2025). Sensory Processing in Individuals With Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Compared With Control Populations: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 64(10), 1132–1147. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2025.02.019

Miller, D., Rees, J., Pearson, A. (2021). “Masking Is Life”: Experiences of Masking in Autistic and Nonautistic Adults. Autism in Adulthood 3(4), 330–338. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2020.0083

Mylett, M. L., Boucher, T. Q., & Iarocci, G. (2026). “I wish I could just be myself”: Experiences of social camouflaging in adults with ADHD. Research in Neurodiversity, 2. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rin.2026.100018

Shaw, H.M.B. (2021). “I Don’t Suffer from ADHD, I Suffer from Other People”: ADHD, Stigma, and Academic Life. (Honours thesis). Retrieved from https://dalspace.library.dal.ca/bitstream/handle/10222/80523/Shaw%20Honours%20Thesis_%20Final.pdf

Note

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