Can you do this, should you do this?the tension between abilities and identity

When I started writing about conflict and identity, it was an attempt to understand the conflict in my own head. The questions that cried for answers and the unresolved tensions I carried. The burden grew so heavy that I took to writing to unburden. It became the escape and has helped me piece many things together. Every article you read here is simply a piece of my peace.

Today’s piece asks fundamental questions about the things we can do and the things we should do. As a multipotentialite, I struggled with my identity for years. There are people who now me as a rapper, those who know me as a writer; some even believe all I do is host events and to many, I have been an Afrocentric fashion storyteller. Then, there are those who tool things too far and concluded that I am an intellectual; or a model and a content creator. The ghetto!

The good thing about having multiple abilities is the liberty to explore and become so many great things. Yet, the challenge is whether you can be known for everything. Here is where many gifted people struggle.

The Foundation

There is a popular parable many Christians adopt when explaining multiple talents. It’s contained in Matthew 25:14–30. It has an account of a master who went on a trip and upon departure, handed some bags of gold to his stewards. He gave five, two and one bags of gold to each based on ability. At the end of the day, the stewards with five and two bags of gold made great use of it and turned it into profit while the steward with just one bag of gold buried his and made nothing of it. The master praised the first two stewards while he condemned their colleague. Often, the conclusion here is that people with multiple bags of gold (talents) have to exhaust it till it yields profit or reward for God (the master) to be pleased. The message here demonstrates God’s expectation on diligence in stewardship(talent), However, there is a gray area that the Bible left to further investigation.

The Tension

When people have multiple abilities, what do they do with it? For those of us who subscribe to Christian values, we assume that the above parable expects us to use it all at once. But a critical and closer look suggests that these stewards never shared how they multiplied the bags of gold or if they used each bag in the process. We are only told that the bags of gold doubled.

This is why simply adopting the parable without adapting the principle may create further tension and sometimes guilt. People with multiple abilities often have much wrestling to do. They may be crippled with confusion. They soliloquize, I can do many things, should I do everything? what version of myself should I choose? The medical doctor who also sings, writes and plays many musical instruments; the writer who also draws, does poetry, raps, works a 9–5 in policy and development, does professional photography and works as an event compere on weekends. These sound like blessings and an opportunity for multiple streams of income. But in reality, many people in this category are fighting silent identity battles. Their competence and abilities open multiple doors but the tension of choice becomes a major challenge. Can a person walk through multiple doors at the same time?

The Ability/Identity nexus

The blessing of multipotentiality can be accessed when one learns to harmonize abilities with identity. Every talent deserves an expression but not every talent deserves an identity. The identity crisis often occurs when each talent competes for equal expression. The medical doctor who sings may not be able to launch a professional music career while working full time. They may have to allow the musical talent remain latent until a latter period. However, the music can be a huge part of their work life balance, providing a safe space after a long week of work calls in the hospital wards. The wisdom is understanding the season of life that one is navigating.

In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell argues that it takes 10,000 hours of practice for one to become expert/world class at something. Although experts consider this rule as oversimplified on grounds that volume of hours does not often guarantee improvement. That is, a person may repeat something for decades and still not be better at it because they stopped improving after the first decade. But then, repetition is universally agreed to be one of the most effective paths to mastery and the 10, 000-hour rule places people at expert/elite status of mastery.

The main question is whether one can become equally expert in multiple areas. Experts also say this depends on the nexus across the fields. For instance, it is more practical for a person to gain equal mastery in Conflict Management, Negotiation, Mediation, Organizational Leadership and Communication because these fields are already closely related. But aspiring to gain equal mastery in Neurosurgery, Law, Music and Entrepreneurship is a castle in the air. Each of these fields demand hours of practice and study that is almost impossible for a single person to realize given limitations in time resource.

How then can one build an identity from the pool of their abilities? Research shows that many of the creatives we celebrate today were not narrow specialists but had depth of expertise in one field and breadth across several other fields. They simply pursued one thing with the instrumentality of the other abilities.

Therefore, the challenge isn’t becoming equally expert at everything. It’s deciding which ability(ies) deserve deep investment because they serve the story you want your life to tell. This potentially solves the identity crisis. It helps you move from the mere expression of abilities to the pursuit of identity.

The Identity Theory

I heard this theory for the first time as an undergraduate borrowing Psychology courses at the Faculty of the Social Sciences, University of Ibadan. Many years later, it makes more sense to me. This theory suggests that people do not simply perform multiple roles but organize these roles by hierarchy. Some roles become more central than others. These central roles dominate action, plans and long-term decisions. This means that people function best when their roles are in congruence with a sense of self. For instance, if a person is a parent, politician, entrepreneur, partner, writer and volunteer, all these roles would most likely have to arrange around a central identity. Maybe parent or partner. In this case, talents have to be organized around an identity.

The Self Determination theory

Pardon me with the theories but I’m driving it home here. This theory suggests that human beings flourish when they satisfy three psychological needs namely Autonomy, Competence and Relatedness Many multiply gifted people get enticed with the competence stage that they keep proving they can do many things. However, without autonomy (freedom to choose what to be known for) and relatedness (connection with people and purpose), successful people can still feel empty. Oouch!

In closing

As I said in the introduction, this piece is my quest for peace. Having wrestled with my polymath and realized that breadth can be empowering but depth is where an identity forms, I have decided to share the cake with you. I hope you took your piece and had a good bite. The real question is not can you do this? It is Should you do this?

I write about Conflict, culture and Identity.