TRAVEL/FAMILY

The Best Part of Portugal Wasn’t Portugal

An unexpected week with our adult children reminded me that one of the greatest gifts is seeing them find their people

Sintra, Portugal/ Credit: B.R. Shenoy

“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.” — **Johann Wolfgang von Goethe**

Our son was in Lisbon for his bachelor party with ten of his closest friends before his wedding in October. He had invited his sister to join them, which tells you everything you need to know about their relationship. Somehow, my husband and I ended up there during the same week, doing our own version of the trip alongside theirs.

Six days was about all anyone could manage. Nobody in their late twenties takes a long vacation in the middle of a busy work year, but it was enough.

They had their plans. We had ours. Still, we kept running into each other. We shared dinners in Lisbon, spent a day together in Sintra, and crossed paths often enough that it never felt like we were on separate trips.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from a bachelor party made up of a dozen guys in their late twenties. What I found was a group of young men who were funny, thoughtful, and genuinely easy to be around. Most have known our son since high school. Most are engineers like him. Every one of them made us feel welcome without making a fuss over it.

They didn’t have to include us. They just did.

Watching them together, I kept thinking about the fact that they had flown across the world to celebrate our son. That’s a long way to travel for a long weekend. You do it because someone matters to you. These friendships have lasted through college, new jobs, moves, and all the changes that come with adulthood. Seeing that kind of loyalty was something special.

Our daughter seemed to fit naturally into every part of the week. She joined the group for a food tour, went to the Bad Bunny concert that wrapped up their trip, and still found plenty of time to walk through Lisbon with us, linger over meals, and simply talk. She and her brother have always been close despite the almost five years between them, and it was fun to watch her move so comfortably between his friends and us, her parents.

One of the things nobody tells you about having adult children is that you stop being at the center of everything. Their lives get bigger. Friends, careers, relationships, and eventually families of their own take up more space. That’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. When you do get those unexpected days together, you appreciate them differently.

More than anything, I came home thinking about the people our son has chosen to keep in his life. They are kind, grounded, and the sort of friends who show up. As parents, you hope your children find people like that. Seeing it for yourself is reassuring in a way that’s hard to describe.

Portugal was beautiful, and I’ll remember the hills, the tiled streets, and the long dinners. But what will stay with me most is one evening in Lisbon, sitting at a long table while our son laughed with friends he has known for years, our daughter somewhere in the middle of it all, everyone talking over one another and passing plates across the table.

I looked around for a moment and thought, we did okay.

Sintra, Portugal/ Credit: B.R. Shenoy

Have you ever traveled alongside your adult children or watched them with their friends? Did it change how you think about where you fit in their lives now?

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B.R. Shenoy is a lifestyle writer and the owner/editor of *The Family Desk on Medium. She also publishes **Musings and Reflections**, a newsletter on Substack, and is the coauthor of [The Invisible Lines of Poverty](https://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Lines-Poverty-Gabriella-K%C5%91r%C3%B6si-ebook/dp/B0DSGGZF2Y)*.

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